Slapped... by... nerds...
Laura's large and looks-a-fright
How'd I get so des-per-ate?!
Caught in... A nosedive

Heard... her... wheeze
Watched her swallow down those pies
She... Stalled out my sex drive, Oh man...
Don't lay down, I'll cryyyy!

Hey! Hey!
Think I'm gonna spew
Huge fatty wants to play... My balls are blue!

Want... to... spoon...
A woman... without whiskers...
Debra's drenched in diiiiiiirt and
Brenda's butt has blisters

Banged on the table
That's what I used to do
Bernice was stung by bees... Her siiiiiiiiight's... Nasty...
Time for me to flee!

Hey! Hey!
Stuck with shocking Sue
Her acne's so insane... My balls are blue
Hooked up with Mable
I'm shallow, Dude
That skinhead Nazi... Made balls so blue...

Francine made... me frown...
It turns out she was gay-ay
Tammy rocked... the town...
Her body was... unsha-aved....
Gertrude wore... a gown....
She tucked... her d*ck awa-ay
Wrecked my woooooooooood...

Need some brew!
Shoved beer cans in my cart
Tooooo help me screw
Bottles of Seagram's might be smart

Hey! Hey!
Dressed in my birthday suit
Amber's like an ashtray...Yeah, My balls are blue
Made out with Rachel
Out in my car
Scratching her fleas
That made me quite alarmed, Uh-uh!

The facts are clear dude
I'm friiiiiightened by these dates
My time to cheer's soon
I'll fiiiiiiiiiiind one that inflates