(Host Intro)
Let's meet contestant #1
He's a redneck clown
Who says women love his redneck smile.
Let's find out if his charm will work on Henrietta.
Henrietta, what's your question?
(H)
Contestant #1, I believe first impressions last forever,
So let's say you were to come over to my parents' house
And have supper with me and my family.
Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stay.

Let's see, hmm, well I'd have to think about it
I might show up in a tux, ha! But I doubt it.
I'd probably just show up drunk like I always do
And look your mama in the eye and tell her *** you!
Hurry up Hen I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti,
I'd pinch her limpy butt and tell her get the food ready!
Your dad would probably start trapping and get me ticked
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his darn lips!
It's dinner time, we're hear in grace from your mother
I pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother
I'm standing staring at your sister, I'll tell you this
You know for only 13 she got some big maracas!
After that, your dad would try to jump again
And only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin!
After your mom does the dishes and the silverware,
I'd try to make peepy in my underwear!!!!
(Host)
Now let's meet contestant #2,
He's a psychopathic deranged crackhead freak
Who works in the Kiddie Carnival.
He says women call him Stretch HED.
Sharon, let's hear your question.
(Sharon)
I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions,
A man who expresses himself in his own special way
#2, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?
First in, I could never love you
You sound like a richy witch, yo blah bloo!
But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care,
By taking all these other suckas out of here!
I'd go through your darn phonebook and whack them all
And find contestant #1 and break his redneck jaw! (whoa?)
Anyone who looked at yo, would have to frickin' pay
I'd be gettin off all day!
Then we'd go through the beach and walk in the sand
I'd throw a little in your face and say I'm just playing
As you spit it all out, I'll rub your back
Grab your underwear and wedge it up your butt crack!!!!
(Host)
Well it sounds like contestant #2 is just overflowing with sensitivity Sharon,
It's a tough choice so far,
Sharon, let's have your last question
And see which one is gonna win the right to your date.
(Sharon)
Ok, if we were at a dance club,
And you both noticed me at the same time,
Tell me, how would you each get my attention
And what would your pick up lines be?
Whoever's the smoothest wins!
Ok, first, I'd slide up to the bar
And tell you that I can't believe how freaking fat you are!
I'd tell ya that I like the way you make yer boobies shake,
And if you lost a little weight you'd look like Ricki Lake.
HEEEEYYY! You'd be having me quick!
I'd order you a drink, and throw it at that other chick
And then to get yer attention in a crowded place,
I'd simply walk up and stick my butt in yer face!
Yeah, see me inside out, yeah that'll get her!
Tell her that she's fat, yeah, that'll work even better!
Look, hate you, I gotta strong rap
You don't want contestant #2 he's mad whack
I walked into a bar, and there he was
Standing on a bucket (eeeuuugghhh) try in to OWW
It was a big smelly big farm llama
Darn dawg!
How you gonna diss yer momma