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Song Parodies -> "What If Tom Was One Of Us?"
Original Song Title:
"What If God Was One Of Us?"
Original Performer:
Joan Osborne
Parody Song Title:
"What If Tom Was One Of Us?"
Parody Written by:
Stuart McArthur
The Lyrics
Nicole Kidman just married fellow Aussie Keith Urban, who throws into perspective her previous marriage to one very odd dude.........listen to the OS in a new window by right-clicking here
(intro of crazed other-worldly hick hillbilly verse)
If Tom weren't insane
who would he be? - and would he flash that grinning face
at every photo op if he...was...normal?
What would you ask if you had just two questions?
like "Tom,
Tom,
what's with Kate?"
"Tom,
um,
...sure you're straight?"
Tom, Tom, Tom-Tom-Tom
What if Tom was one of us?
just a guy like one of us?
not a scientologist
kind of like a plain......bloke
If Tom could emote
without the cameras on, and we got to see...
I guess then maybe we'd all hafta believe
that Tom was human - that he would not self-destruct
in seven seconds
coz Tom,
that
would be great
Tom,
cat,
good luck, mate
Tom, Tom, Tom-Tom-Tom
What if Tom was one of us?
Is it so preposterous?
He could stay anon-y-mous?
like an ordin'ry......dude
tryna bake his own......food
not always IN that pumped-up mood
with all that tres-cool attitude
so scared of being misconstrued
(sad, tormented guitar break)
Tom
Tom
it's okay
Tom
Tom
if you're ***
Tom, Tom, Tom-Tom-Tom
What if Tom stopped following
V'nilla Sky-entology?
wide-shut eyes stopped boggle-ing?
like an ordin'ry......bloke
just like us ordinary folk
scoffing whoppers and a coke
or maybe coffee and a smoke
and not a scoffed-at
"in"
joke
...demanding, catlike, silly strokes
...withstanding crap right 'til he croaks
If Tom weren't insane
who would he be? - and would he flash that grinning face
at every photo op if he...was...normal?
What would you ask if you had just two questions?
like "Tom,
Tom,
what's with Kate?"
"Tom,
um,
...sure you're straight?"
Tom, Tom, Tom-Tom-Tom
What if Tom was one of us?
just a guy like one of us?
not a scientologist
kind of like a plain......bloke
If Tom could emote
without the cameras on, and we got to see...
I guess then maybe we'd all hafta believe
that Tom was human - that he would not self-destruct
in seven seconds
coz Tom,
that
would be great
Tom,
cat,
good luck, mate
Tom, Tom, Tom-Tom-Tom
What if Tom was one of us?
Is it so preposterous?
He could stay anon-y-mous?
like an ordin'ry......dude
tryna bake his own......food
not always IN that pumped-up mood
with all that tres-cool attitude
so scared of being misconstrued
(sad, tormented guitar break)
Tom
Tom
it's okay
Tom
Tom
if you're ***
Tom, Tom, Tom-Tom-Tom
What if Tom stopped following
V'nilla Sky-entology?
wide-shut eyes stopped boggle-ing?
like an ordin'ry......bloke
just like us ordinary folk
scoffing whoppers and a coke
or maybe coffee and a smoke
and not a scoffed-at
"in"
joke
...demanding, catlike, silly strokes
...withstanding crap right 'til he croaks
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 30 | 30 | 30 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Delightfully entertaining and funny "What If"...great rhymes and lines..
In Scientology, they say MU instead of misunderstaning. I guess Tom is just one big MU. 5's Stuart.
This is so good! The last verse is classic. "Wide-shut eyes stopped boggling"... Love it! 555
Great title, incisive commentary. 555
thank god he ain't...and vice versa...5s
You Cruised right through this one... 5-5-5!!!
Interesting question... you probably wouldn't have had the idea to so this parody. So, be glad he isn't, 555. ^____^
I sure missed reading your stuff while I was "away", Stu...this is f'ing fantastic! 555
Hoo-ee,
hoo-ee thetan,
hoo-ee,
hoo-ee thetan,
hoo-ee,
hoo-ee thetan,
L-Ron's gonna take you outta, TOM CRUISE!
hoo-ee thetan,
hoo-ee,
hoo-ee thetan,
hoo-ee,
hoo-ee thetan,
L-Ron's gonna take you outta, TOM CRUISE!
To rhyme better with the original "Sea Cruise" chorus, my previous comment's last line should be,
L-Ron's gonna take you outta, T. CRUISE!
L-Ron's gonna take you outta, T. CRUISE!
You mean he's NOT one of us, Stu? I guess you're right. Anyone who could give up Nicole Kidman is not normal. :-) 555
Great concept, great slam, and I love the multiple rhyming in the choruses. Extra special happy bonus kudos for replacing "stranger on the bus" with "Scientologist."
thanks AFW :-)
thanks Lionel - I didn't know that about MU, but it makes sense that they would need a 2-letter acronym for that word
good on you Ravyn, John and alvin - thanks all
groan Matthias ;-) - thanks Stephen, but stop messing with my head!
ditto Kristof - nice to see a comment from you too, esp. containing deft use of the word f'ing ;-) (btw did you see the soccer? - we wuz robbed!)
Johnny - thanks - I don't know Sea Cruise, but your version of it just SOUNDS funny (I'm suspecting I probably do know it though)
thanks for noticing the MRs again Spaff (do you ever miss anything?) - and those extra special happy bonus kudos just made my day (much better than those extra special non-plussed bonus kudos)
thanks Lionel - I didn't know that about MU, but it makes sense that they would need a 2-letter acronym for that word
good on you Ravyn, John and alvin - thanks all
groan Matthias ;-) - thanks Stephen, but stop messing with my head!
ditto Kristof - nice to see a comment from you too, esp. containing deft use of the word f'ing ;-) (btw did you see the soccer? - we wuz robbed!)
Johnny - thanks - I don't know Sea Cruise, but your version of it just SOUNDS funny (I'm suspecting I probably do know it though)
thanks for noticing the MRs again Spaff (do you ever miss anything?) - and those extra special happy bonus kudos just made my day (much better than those extra special non-plussed bonus kudos)
sorry Rick - I missed yours - thanks - and ditto on Nicole (sometimes) - but especially in "Birthday Girl" when she plays a Russian mail-order bride, and in "To Die For" when she's dancing in the headlights
Hey Stu.. I liked this one, but I must inform you that TOS is simply titled "One Of Us". It even says so on the album.
Well, Tom Cruise WAS one of me, a short, quirky kid from Essex County, New Jersey. Somewhere down the line, he got the girls... at least, temporarily... but I became The Normal One.
awsome parody! i had the same idea but looks like u beat me to it ;p way to go!
SOTM - Love the scientology reference. You can't write a song about Tom Cruise without including that.
SOTM
thanks STC - and my apologies
interesting debate Michael (and thanks) - is it better to be normal or to get the girls?
thanks Shadow - altho I'm sure plenty of other OS's are ripe for taking a potshot at Tom - look forward to reading yours :-)
thanks wannabeMJ - yeah sometimes the parody gods do toss you a bone!
er, not sure, adagio - is that silence a disapproving pursed-lips kind of silence, or a speechless with disbelief kind of silence, or a poetic statement? I'll reserve my thanks until I know ;-)
interesting debate Michael (and thanks) - is it better to be normal or to get the girls?
thanks Shadow - altho I'm sure plenty of other OS's are ripe for taking a potshot at Tom - look forward to reading yours :-)
thanks wannabeMJ - yeah sometimes the parody gods do toss you a bone!
er, not sure, adagio - is that silence a disapproving pursed-lips kind of silence, or a speechless with disbelief kind of silence, or a poetic statement? I'll reserve my thanks until I know ;-)
(SOTM) Although I'll usually associate this OS with being the theme song to the sorely missed TV show Joan of Arcadia, you may have just permanently attached it to Mr. Cruise for me! I loved all the little references to his movies.
SOTM-Good
cruise is so over rated loved the parody
Tom doesn't exactly emote...lol. His forte is running around the set like a scared rabbit.
SOTM - I think you're on the tangent to "Mission Impossible IV" here Stu, where Tom get's to fake being an ordinary dude who has to take out the trash, drive a lawnmower without GPS and leave the toilet seat down.
(SOTM) I've been thinking, Stu...I DON'T want Tom to be One of Us. The thought makes me cringe. Still fab work
(SOTM) Stu, I gave you 3 more 5s.
(SOTM) Grab your E-Meter electrodes and see above!
(SOTM) I second Spaff's comment, and this OS was just begging to be parodied. I haven't kept up with TC's personal life nor latest movies, but this was very good all around. 555. I guess I can forget my "What if Dogs Were Poisonous?/Like a duck-billed platypus" parody fragment now; it wouldn't be this good.
(SOTM) psst, Tom - you can go home now - no way will you make the cut against the others in this month's comp - they've knocked you clear into a cocked hat!
(SOTM) Yeah, yeah, God is great! Yeah, yeah, God is...good grief, how do you keep doing that? Writing really good parodies like it was as easy as going to the bog? Too bad I totally don't get it (I kinda stay out of the habits of weird celebs...except ol' Wacko Jacko, you just can't avoid him).
Tee hee... Beautiful satirical poke at someone who deserves this sort of attention, Stu. Very enjoyable :-)
SOTM...you know, I have a list of words that I adore...words that just make me giddy...and when I come across one of them, I can't help but rejoice. "Preposterous" is one of those words...and it was nestled so lovingly in the middle of this FABulous parody. Bravo!!
Still, even if you HADN'T used one of my favorite words of all time, I would still have to applaud this beauty...as making fun of Tom Cruise is one of my new favorite hobbies. EXCELLENT song choice...EXCELLENT re-write...just all over great! I love it!!
Still, even if you HADN'T used one of my favorite words of all time, I would still have to applaud this beauty...as making fun of Tom Cruise is one of my new favorite hobbies. EXCELLENT song choice...EXCELLENT re-write...just all over great! I love it!!
I loved the 'whats with Kate...sure you're straight?' line the most, but there were a lot of other awesome lines. I don't very much care for Tom Cruise, but I really love your parody. 5s!
ABC - He is realllly out there. And so was this hilarious parody!!!
Like a Scientologist, your humor is very CLEAR.
(ABC5-W) Whoah, old parody alert! I understand a bit more of the subject matter than when I read this the first time, but relative to what everyone else understands I'm still in the dark. But that's my fault, not yours.
ABC5(W) I knew as soon as I saw the OS and the title switch I was going to love this one...and it exceeded my expectations!!!...Masterful job!!!...555!!!
What Leo said. Very possibly the funniest and truest -- funiest _because_ truest -- I've read since my hiatus. Every one is great but i especially love the "Vanilla Sky-entology" line. 555
LOL at title switch! You seem to blow past me and everyone else here at ABC. No offense intended to anyone except myself. 555
I've read this one before and guess I never got around to commenting. . .It is a fun parody, fun TOS too
It's great to revisit this one. If a parody NEEDED recording, this would be it. Funny and it would save the listener from a rather horrible OS. =)
(ABC) What if Stu were one of us? Lucky us, he's one of us! He gets a 555, too!
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