Song Parodies -> "I've Had Every Care"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

"I've Had Every Care"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

The original song behind this parody has been used several times by writers much sicker than me to list their various comorbidities so I figured this resurrection of it needed the opposite angle, a list of (some good and some not so good) remedies, ointments and cures.

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmFN9C9PVpg

I was sittin' my ass down in a dusty, lonely waiting room
When along came a doctor and he asked me 'bout my sloven gloom
If you need a Mocha Latte, man the nurse has just died
And so I crawled into his lab although that let my last hope fly
He asked me how I handled pain and what I could withstand
And I said, listen, I've tried out every cure in this here land

I've had every care, man
I've had every care, man
Name it, I've been there man
They've probed me everywhere, man
Of remedies I've had my share, man
I've had every care

I've been through

Hard knocks
Sunblocks
Detox
Warm socks
Nose spray
Band aid
Dried prunes
Sauna fumes
Bubble bath
Shaved ass
Laughing gas
Foot baths
All MASH
Kelp sauce
Dental floss
Lip gloss
Folklore
Dance floors
Hardcore
Lice killed
Nuts grilled
Guts spilled
Teeth filled
Wife billed

I've had every care, man
I've had every care, man
Name it, I've been there man
Quacks and shrinks that stare, man
Of therapies I've had my share, man
I've had every care

I've been through

Sedation
Fixation
Dilation
Hydration
Ligation
Damnation
Oration
Probation
Mutation
Rotation
Salvation
Berzerking
Jerking
Clerking
Lurking
Even working
Cow tipping
Bird flipping
White rapping
Channel zapping
Hard naps
ALL CAPS
Ain't no joke
Soon I'm broke

I've had every care, man
I've had every care, man
Name it, I've been there man
More scars than I can bare, man
Of surgery I've had my share, man
I've had every care

I've been through

Bran oats
Key notes
Bowed to goats
Life coach
Dem votes
Love boats
Footnotes
More remote
Whale songs
Herb bongs
Red thongs
Flu shot
Jog trot
Fresh pot
Girls, hot
What not
Faith leap
*beep-beep*
Counselling an'
Vaseline an'
Sunscreen an'
Caffeine
In umpteen between, man

I've had every care, man
I've had every care, man
Name it, I've been there man
They've fixed me everywhere, man
Of healing I've had my share, man
I've had every care

I've been through

Primal screams
Skin creams
Wet dreams
Bushwacking
Bitchsmacking
Backpacking
Beaching
Bleetching
Bling-bling
Hunting
Fisting
When enlisting
Bee stings
Fast flings
Nose rings
Such things
All jinxed
Old hookers
Pop-up blockers
Dog named Rover
musk clover
A combover
An' moreover
Soon it's over

I've had every care, man
I've had every care, man
Name it, I've been there man
The reaper's drawing near, man
Of curatives I've tried my share man
I've had every care

I've had every care!

Previous Parody Added to the Site | Next Parody Added to the Site

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Mark Scotti - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment

You've got FIVES for that....man!!!

Old Man Ribber - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment

First, a fine job. How about adding "I've Been Everywhere" to the seven impossible songs to parody? ;D

Matthias - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment

"I've Been Everywhere" should be on that Big 7 list as it's a ton more enjoyable than "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" but anyways other than bringing that to the Amiright court I'll just give you 5s and move along.

AFW - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment

Very well done...Mariah Care-y should record this..

TJC - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment

Some fun n' crazy rhymin'! Here's hopin' you fare as well under Obama-care!

Mark Scotti - February 16, 2010 - Report this comment

SOTM - I had to "probe" this read one more time. Results still ended in laughter!!!

Abbott Skelding - February 16, 2010 - Report this comment

SOTM: Never been a Johnny Cash fan, but this is very nice work!

Matthias - February 17, 2010 - Report this comment

Kristof did something along these lines awhile back but I need to give my nod for using this original song since I believe I began the entire "I've Been Everywhere" craze with my parody of "I Have No Career"... (Or at least I'd like to think I did)

bobpiecheese - February 25, 2010 - Report this comment

(SOTM) Near-perfect parody here...I just feel that 'I've Had Every Cure' would make a bit more sense than 'I've Had Every Care'. But that's just me. 555!

Arwen - February 28, 2010 - Report this comment

SOTM...bird flipping didn't help, huh? it's always so soothing for me...; )

Below Average Dave - February 28, 2010 - Report this comment

I've read a number of parodies of this OS, and very few really make me laugh. A list parody now and then is funny, however like most I tend to lose interest on list parodies unless the topic is either something that is really crazy (like when Matthias did this same song with careers that including the likes of Drag Queens) or just really funny (like Kristof's version). Not to compare you to another parody of the same song, as that would be unfair, but I just have trouble getting into major list parodies personally, and how you feel about Bohemian Rhapsody parodies would be an understatement for me on this OS. . .but excellent rhyming and pacing on a very tough OS. . .5s strictly on effort, even if I had trouble getting into it personally I can certainly appreciate the work that went into it

DJ Blaze - February 28, 2010 - Report this comment

Very tough song, very good quality. 555

Medemia - February 28, 2010 - Report this comment

Another song I wouldn't dream of singing. That's just way too fast for me. You did a great job with all those different conditions, matching them up, rhyming them up and knocking them down. I hope you have good insurance.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.