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Song Parodies -> "Side Effects Include"
Original Song Title:
"I've Been Everywhere"
Original Performer:
Johnny Cash
Parody Song Title:
"Side Effects Include"
Parody Written by:
2nz
The Lyrics
I'm telling you now, it's gonna be obnoxious. And I took some liberties with the original pacing. I think that might be my new thing. Anyhow, enjoy the many downsides to the latest prescription drugs... bitches.
I was dragging my feet because I couldn't get my daily sleep
And I heard the people where I work were calling me a lazy creep
So I tried whatever-pedic but it really wasn't there for me
And I broke right out in hives the day I tried aroma therapy
So I went to the pharmacy to get a sleeping aid
And now I tell ya, CHECK the side effects that are displayed
Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
I hate to be so rude, man
(But) if I take these I'm screwed, man
The phrase that changed my mood, man:
'Side effects include'
(May include: )
Long naps
Face slaps
Wet laps
Anal leakage
Heart attack
Dart attack
Fart attack
Oral reek-age
Pain, manic
Vane panic
Rain n' traffic
Lack of lovin'
Locust swarms
Lightning storms
Doctor forms
By the dozen
Sore jaws
Store gauze
In-laws
Bulging veins
Back pains
Neck pains
Leg pains
It's insane
Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
I don't mean to be rude, man
(But) the good things are subdued, man
I got so mad I pooed, man:
'Side effects include'
(You may experience: )
Numb toes
Runny nose
Boring shows
Gingivitis
Dizziness
Laziness
Craziness
Hepatitis
Near-sighted
Far-sighted
Ex-cited
Blurred vision
Gum disease
Love of trees
Allergies
Big decisions
Acne
Fat knees
Killer bees
Conjoined twins
Loss of limbs
Fear of gyms
Fear of Jims
Outlook grim
Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
Test cases cursed and booed, man
(When) They double-blindly viewed, man
These horrors will intrude, man:
'Side effects include'
(Less than 101% of the test cases experienced: )
De-pressions
Ob-sessions
Flute lessons
Bad karma
Head-aches
Body shakes
Robert Blake
Greg n' Dharma
Chapped lips
Spicy chips
Kung fu grips
Agitations
Botched zips
Record skips
Chilly nips
Short vacations
Mood dips
Freud-y slips
Sinking ships
Common ills
Time rips
Wider hips
Long trips
Down hills
Now I feel abused, man
Now I feel abused, man
And doctors look confused, man
They think I all-night boozed, man
My coverage was refused, man:
Now I feel abused
(Consult your doctor if you experience: )
Ear hums
Sore bums
Feeling dumb
Mud butt
Hate crimes
Lost minds
Bad rhymes
Going nuts
Four-hour
E-rections
Jack Bauer
De-fections
Sore, sour
In-fections
Lost power
De-tention
Old age
Blind rage
Lower wages
Evil mages
Influenza
Dented fend-a
De-mentia
It'll get ya
(So) I made a decree, man
(That) I will sleep drug-free, man
No side-effects for me, man
Sleep everywhere I see, man
Sleep even up a tree, man
Now I sleep drug-free
WITH – NO – SIDE – EF - FECTS
And I heard the people where I work were calling me a lazy creep
So I tried whatever-pedic but it really wasn't there for me
And I broke right out in hives the day I tried aroma therapy
So I went to the pharmacy to get a sleeping aid
And now I tell ya, CHECK the side effects that are displayed
Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
I hate to be so rude, man
(But) if I take these I'm screwed, man
The phrase that changed my mood, man:
'Side effects include'
(May include: )
Long naps
Face slaps
Wet laps
Anal leakage
Heart attack
Dart attack
Fart attack
Oral reek-age
Pain, manic
Vane panic
Rain n' traffic
Lack of lovin'
Locust swarms
Lightning storms
Doctor forms
By the dozen
Sore jaws
Store gauze
In-laws
Bulging veins
Back pains
Neck pains
Leg pains
It's insane
Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
I don't mean to be rude, man
(But) the good things are subdued, man
I got so mad I pooed, man:
'Side effects include'
(You may experience: )
Numb toes
Runny nose
Boring shows
Gingivitis
Dizziness
Laziness
Craziness
Hepatitis
Near-sighted
Far-sighted
Ex-cited
Blurred vision
Gum disease
Love of trees
Allergies
Big decisions
Acne
Fat knees
Killer bees
Conjoined twins
Loss of limbs
Fear of gyms
Fear of Jims
Outlook grim
Side effects include, man
Side effects include, man
Test cases cursed and booed, man
(When) They double-blindly viewed, man
These horrors will intrude, man:
'Side effects include'
(Less than 101% of the test cases experienced: )
De-pressions
Ob-sessions
Flute lessons
Bad karma
Head-aches
Body shakes
Robert Blake
Greg n' Dharma
Chapped lips
Spicy chips
Kung fu grips
Agitations
Botched zips
Record skips
Chilly nips
Short vacations
Mood dips
Freud-y slips
Sinking ships
Common ills
Time rips
Wider hips
Long trips
Down hills
Now I feel abused, man
Now I feel abused, man
And doctors look confused, man
They think I all-night boozed, man
My coverage was refused, man:
Now I feel abused
(Consult your doctor if you experience: )
Ear hums
Sore bums
Feeling dumb
Mud butt
Hate crimes
Lost minds
Bad rhymes
Going nuts
Four-hour
E-rections
Jack Bauer
De-fections
Sore, sour
In-fections
Lost power
De-tention
Old age
Blind rage
Lower wages
Evil mages
Influenza
Dented fend-a
De-mentia
It'll get ya
(So) I made a decree, man
(That) I will sleep drug-free, man
No side-effects for me, man
Sleep everywhere I see, man
Sleep even up a tree, man
Now I sleep drug-free
WITH – NO – SIDE – EF - FECTS
Copyright 2006+ Glen Stollberger... bitches
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 15 | 15 | 15 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Hilarious! Reminds me of Saturday Night Live's "Nozilla Commercial".
This is awesome 555
Thanks JD and JW. Not much action before the new year. GUess I'll have to plug it in the tournament.
Wow, that's quite a few side effects there, Glen. Impressive work, and what's more impressive is that this is all original content. Regarding the pacing decision, this is one of the few songs where I happen to agree that exact syllable count per line is wholly useless since there's probably only 5 people on the planet who can remember all 92 city names in order. I'm not one of those five, but take 5s and call me in the morning. "Conjoined twins"; LOL!
Obviously you've read the "physician's insert" that the drug-maker provides for docs but isn't given to patients...."Freudy slips" was a fave. Take three 5mg tabs...
I thought of one time writing one about side effects but it wasn't half as funny as this, which reads like some of those pamplets, he he. Really good one. 5's
(SOTM) Do not take this drug if you don't want to laugh. Well done!
SOTM - Oh no! Anything but dented fenders! Dunno what you've been taking, but at least death wasn't one of your side effects. :)
SOTM - This parody comes with a personal side effect for me, mixed feelings. I have (as of today had) a somewhat similar idea in my sketch folder and now I have to scratch it, or twist it worse than Madonna twists the balls on her husband, so as not to look a copy cat if I ever take it down. Not that it would be this good anyway... :-)
(SOTM) The side effects of this parody include: Excessive laughter, clever lyrics, great title subs, TMGLTM, hilarious rhymes, Leanne Rhymes, Busta Rhymes, Hammer Time, and of course, excessive 555 votes!
SOTM - Great
(SOTM) Very Creative, Very Original. . .the list is currently 8 songs which I will weigh against each other, including this one, of my favorites. . .two to go that I will read tomorrow than I will play elimination with myself on the ones I've marked to go back to.
Love of trees! Heh heh. Fantabulous, Glen. This has been up for the better part of a month - and is currently in the SOTM contest - and still has only 8 votes?! (Well, 9 now.) Everyone must be on medication. TMGLTM, and I should know; I've read 'em all twice now. Uh-oh - now my fear of Jims is TWICE as bad.
(SOTM) A fear of Jims? How does that work?! It's like, "Hi! My name's Glen! What's yours?" "Jim." "Jim?! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Absolutely brilliant parody, 2nz!
Sickeningly Well Done
(SOTM) See above. This is still one of my favorites so far this month. Now I see what you meant by me knowing more "-ips" rhymes: perhaps it was subconciously unintentional that I left "coincidence" out of my rhyme scheme. =)
(SOTM) I thought this one would pale ever since Kristof wrote "Take Me To ER," but was I ever wrong. TMGLTM but "Less than 101% of the test cases experienced" really put it over the top for me.
(SOTM) Gaaakkk!! This is my first read of this masterpiece, and yes; the similarities to "Take Me To ER" are undeniable. But, as you got there first, Glen, I bow to your skill. Fab, fab, fab! 555
Guess that's why they say always read the fine print.---MM
(SOTM) LMAO! Fantastic, Glen - rollickingly funny, and some great gags out of left field - eg. Less than 101% of the test cases experienced, and the Greg and Dharma ref, just to name a few - and SO easy to read - which is the benefit of writing for the reader instead of the pacing police - 555
(SOTM) Outstanding in many ways. Guess I should read more labels though.
(SOTM) See above!
Thought I'd commented on this one first time around - definitely voted, though... But I'll bet that if the research had been done by GSK, their sales reps would be saying "perfectly safe" ;-)
(SOTM) TMGLTM once again awesome.
SOTM - see above
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