It seems today the things are gone, I've watched for all my life
The players cannot beat no one, except perhaps their wife
I thank my lucky stars I'm not living there today
"Cause watching those football players, they just make me say

It sucks to be a Minnesotan, where no one plays football
A once mighty football tradition, has taken a hard fall
And I always throw up, on the floor, when I watch them play
"Cause they are so bad, I hate them worse, ev-er-y single day

On the lakes of Minnesota, that's the only place they score
Cannot make a tackle, unless it is a whore

You'd think they'd create some action, they make a lot of dough
But the only action they create, is on a cruise ship with a ho

It sucks to be a Minnesotan, a sorry bunch of losers
No football players to be found, only sex boat cruisers
And it makes me throw up, on the floor, I know that sounds so crass
But I am so sick of all of them, they can kiss my purple assssshtray

From Detroit and to Green Bay, and to the Windy City
People hang their heads low, because their teams are shh.sure not very good.
But they find solace in their hearts, because they know that they can say

It sucks to be a Minnesotan, their teams they have no pride
You hear the name Vikings, all you want to do is hide
And it makes them throw up, on the floor, because of their dislike
Our teams may be bad, and oh so sad, but Thank God they're not the Vikes!!