You would think that coz it's Christmas,
Folks would just chill out (of course!)
And not care or get too antsy
If I hit them with my Porsche...
They'll take everything I own,
Litigate me to the bone
Season's greetings, dude...
All I've got for Christmas is sued!

Did my best to help this Christmas;
Tried to fix my neighbour's fuse
(Oh my!) Cue: sound of fire engines
The shirt off my back, I'll lose
So to make myself feel better,
For my office, bought a tree
Decorated it with tinsel,
Which then strangled the M.D...
Santa never gets this shit,
Lawyer smugly serving writ
It's just so dang rude;
All I've got for Christmas is sued...
ooooooh, CRAZY!

Still, because I so love Christmas,
Went out in Kris Kringle gear...(so fly!)
Some small wiseass pulled my beard off,
So I clipped him round the ear
Desperate to lift my spirits,
I went solo caroling
"Deck The Halls" out on the pavement,
One small problem: I can't sing!
Two new lawsuits I've got today;
Brat's dad and the EPA
Ring the bells...I'm screwed
I tell ya, all I've got for Christmas is sued
Suuuuued...GAILY!

(Oh no!)
My poor belt is tight'ning
I'm losing all my hair (it isn't fair!)
And the sound of ex-wife's
Laughter fills the air...
While you're all Christmas cheerin' (oh yeah)
I'm right now court-appearin'
Alimony, back-rent, child support for three...
I'm on Judge Judy regularly!

I don't want a lot for Christmas;
Maybe just some soup and bread
And a cardboard box that's snow-proof
Somewhere I can rest my head
Oh, this old hobo next to me
Wants some cash for "tenancy"
I ain't kidding you
Now a smelly, piss-drunk vagrant..... can sue!
ooooooh, JAIL ME!