You're such a big jerk, you and I both know it's true
I must spread the word to others who don't know that fact
How to do it? You must be known as such a douche
Could just explain it but I'd rather make a statement because screw you

I'm the one who wants to key your coupe
Scratch in words like "tool" and "prick" and "douche" (they're all you)
And some non-word lines just to be rude (simple scratchy lines)
You sucked first, I've got to key your coupe

Know you're not wantin' this, you're so obsessed with showin' off
The stuff that you have now, get upset when you can't scoff
At others who aren't wowed by your expensive baubles now
It drives me crazy, you don't drive it, just a showpiece, therefore screw you

I'm the one who wants (I'm the one) to key your coupe (yeah-eah-eah)
Deep inside, know others feel it too (feel it too)
Hate your smug-ass smile, won't make the move (such an awful smile, yeah)
Gonna be the one to key your coupe

It may be so that you have more cars, former buddy
But the thing to keep in mind is that it's Phase 1 of mine

You'll be through, straight through once I am fin'lly done with you
The world will know that you're a bastard, will join me in saying "screw you"

I'm the one who wants to key your coupe (I'm the one)
Full of words that are "this guy sucks" proof (keyed-on proof)
I know that you'll try to say "not true" (know you're gonna try, yeah)
That won't stop my plan to key your coupe
I'm the one who wants (I'm the one) to key your coupe
Sounds a bit unhinged (real unhinged), I know that's true (I know that's true)
Ev'rything I've tried just rolled off you (all the plans I tried, yeah)
So I've simply got to key your coupe
Gonna be the one to key your coupe, ooh