Right now my body’s wrecked
But after these fifty checks
I’ll look just like Britney Spears
At the start of her career
So now I’m sucking down
These Slim Fast dinners
Shoot Botox in my face!

(Yeah!) I’ll be a cougar on the prowl
Once Doc removes these spider veins
It might be messy
But those veins I’ll lack
Relive glory days (Yeah) As a stripper
With a killer rack

At the bar I’ll chug down wine
Now that I look twenty-nine
In tube tops that show my belly
Might sicken you, I’m sixty-three

Infatuation with the college boy nation
I’ll make all their mouths gape

(Yeah!) I’m picking up graduates now
“Seducing me Ms. Robinson”
I’ll leave them guessing
At my true age facts
Old guys are boring (I‘m) Heavy petting
With young lumberjacks

My boobs aren’t default
And my heart might stall
Come take off my shawl
Cause I-I-I am enthralled

It’s your bones I’ll leap (It’s your bones I’ll leap)
You’ve swept me off my feet (Swept me off my feet)
Let me pop out dentures (Pop out these dentures)
For our nightly adventures

(Yeah!) With nips and tucks I’m not a cow
Doc repaired all my spider veins
Still steaming cabbage
And eat prunes as snacks
But now I look sexy (Yeah!) With great cleavage
That doctor’s no quack

Saw JFK shot
But I look dang hot
I’ll splatter-splatter-splatter-splatter make-up
I got a tummy tuck

Ewwwww… These spider veins
Once had damaged my legs pretty bad
So old I’m sprouting spiderwebs
Had three marriages that were all sacked
Looked like Aunt May from Spider-Man
But now I’ll pole vault (Innuendo’s called)
And it’s nothing too small
I am enthralled, Don’t be appalled
Love the teenaged haul for them I will sprawl

Need clearing up of spider veins
There’s too much mileage upon this old bat
Please remove ugly spider veins
I want to ravage all these college frats