[soft intro]
Crowds tend to leave my Stand-Ups.
They groan at my pearls of jokes, all.
Maybe they don't understand quips.
Rabid guys catching breast cancer? Too droll!
Maybe sly scoffs convey laughter.
These clever cracks, so wry.
Why do they scream and bitch after?
This is what a crowd's like...
When laughs die!
As they sigh:
"Oh God, why?!'

[drum-fill solo]

Crowds tend to heave from Stand-Ups.
They groan as they hurl from gross calls.
Maybe there's dust in their brandy?
Ladies are suffering off/on (often) drum roll?
Maybe dry coughs convey laughter.
Sleaze causes splattered aisles.
Why do they seem to retch after?
This is what a crowd's like...
When laughs die!

This is what a crowd's like.
Is it a too-loud mic?
Hisses from the proud dyke.

Teeming with puns and substance.
I'm joking with vibrance, it's true.
Yet the most wry, humorous jokes cause...
A quick retreat.
Depleting each week, crowds do.

Maybe my jokes fly right over, lately.
People look horrified.
Pies thrown to cream this cheap joker.
This is what the crowd's like...
When laughs die!

Boo boo boo!
"Off, guy!"

Now, what's the deal (ooh ooh)
With airline food? (ooh ooh)
Now, what's the deal
With spastic dudes?

A gross inane styyyle!
Uh-oh, they cat-cryyy!
Tomatoes, they flyyy!
They're thrown with cream piiies!
My jokes are tres viiile!
A hopeless, lame guyyy!
Crowds boo all the tiiime!
My show's axed toniiight!

Crowds tend to leave my Stand-Ups.
(A gross inane styyyle!)
They groan at my churlish jokes, all.
(Uh-oh, they cat-cryyy!)
Maybe they don't understand quips.
(Tomatoes, they flyyy!)
Babies in cots full of adders? Too droll!
(They're thrown with cream piiies!)
Maybe "Get off!" conveys laughter.
(My jokes are tres viiile!)
These clever cracks, so sly.
(A hopeless, lame guyyy!)
Why do they heave those tomarters?
(Crowds boo all the tiiime!)
This is what a crowd's like...
When laughs die!