Oh when the chips are down and you're feeling blue
And you need a good friend there to comfort you
I'm sorry to say I'll be out of town that day...when you need a friend around

When troubles come pouring down like rain
And the grass in your life is no longer green
You can feel free to call me any time day or night
And pour your heart out to my answering machine

When you're drowning in despair and need a visit from a friend
You know I'm always willing and able
As long as you can schedule your bouts of depression
For when there's something I wanna come see on your cable
A friend is there to pretend to care... when you need a friend around

Anything I have you can borrow
You can take from me whatever you lack
'Cause just about everything I have
Are things I've borrowed from you and haven't given back
Oh if I'm low in cash and you've got a big stash... you'll have a friend around

If you've got a problem you need figure out
I'm afraid that's not something I'm good for
'Cause all the reason why we're such good friends
Is that I'm just as big of a dope as you are

Well some others might be funnier or smarter or stronger
And better than me at whatever they do
But you chose me as your friend
'Cause none of those better ones would have anything to do with you
With friends like these, who needs enemies...when you've got a friend around

If the entire world decides you're a disgusting slimy piece of wart faced dung-
I'll be there to defend
I'll say "He may be a disgusting slimy piece of wart faced dung"
"But that disgusting slimy piece of wart faced dung is my friend"

Well even though sometimes you're boring or annoying or crabby
Or bossy or whiny or really a flake
Or lazy or unreasonable or mean or aggravating...
Or actually I forgot what point I was trying to make

If you need someone to lean on
And I've got nothing better to do
And I'm sure to get something in return
Then I'll be there for you

Yes if you need a helping hand and you've asked everyone else
And it won't cost me a cent and it's not to hard a chore
And it won't take me to long and you pay me a lot...
Then hey don't mention it that's what friends are for
Oh a friend in need is a pain indeed...when you've got a friend around

If a rabid pack of wild hyena is chewing off your head
Or if someone pours flesh eating ants all over your body while you're sleeping in bed
Or if your hair gets caught in the propeller of a plane taking off- I'll try to help you out of the bind
Not that these things would actually happen, I just enjoy picturing them in my mind.

Oh any time you call out my name
I go and find a good place to hide
And whenever you feel like being alone
I'll always be right there by your side

A friend will help you see the bright side of life
That there's a silver lining to any tragedy
Like I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend dumped you
But she seems a lot happier now with me

Whenever you fall I pick you up off the ground
I've proven that every time I've pushed you down
The best kind of friend is one who's pretend...when you need a friend around

So when life's goin' bad and you're feelin' all sad...
It's probably because you've got a friend around