You want us to gawk
Although you’re forty you have a faux-hawk
I see you flashing your six pack like you’re a hunk
But you’re far from cool
You sport a spray tan
And wear more jewels than a gay man
You should be beaten you cretin
Want ladies to drool
Yeah

You like to wear sunglasses at the club
Try to hit on girls with collar popped
Keep creating strife for everyone ‘round you
Because you’re a douche

And you have a devotion to that guy Dane Cook
No more than third grade education never read a book
You shop at Abercrombie and reek of perfume (Yeah)
Wear that t-shirt extra snug
Because you’re such a dimwit

You flash a peace sign
And pose with ladies thinking you “got game”
You’ll hit the gym and then the bar
Hearing you claim: “Babes check me out”
Don’t look like Fabio
That sagging face looks just like pastry dough
You’re drinking beer until you hurl
Out with your bros
Chugging them down and down…

You make your band so hyped since you made bucks
Cover John Mayer although he sucks
So you’ll hear me gripe and put your tape on mute
Cause you’re a douche

Think shopping at Hot Topic makes you hardcore
But you’re the same as all the douchebags on the “Jersey Shore”
You quote: “My name’s McLovin” straight from “Superbad” (Yeah)
Check out your “guns” in the mirror
Although your arms are flabby

Dude, You think you’re Hulk Hogan while you lift weights
And you display all your Trojans to help you get laid
You’re addicted to Facebook and to that Myspace (Yeah)
Status updates just appeal
To other douche idiots

(Go spray Axe on your armpits)
(Why don’t you leave the closet?)
(The knees on your jeans are split)
(Order salad as a meal)
(I hope someday you get hit)
(Posters on walls of nude chicks)
(You’re such a douche, You know it!)