Concerned friend:
What's up, man? Hey, yo, what's up?
Yeah, what's goin' on here?
You look tired, yet that glow shinin' out from your eyes there
You know what I'm sayin'?
Yo, bro, you're lookin' grey, look like a statue, you okay?
Hurt? Hurt, buddy?

The Absorber:
Absorber, touch with my hand, then I glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say I should be very glad? I say no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now
Absorber, poke with my hand, makes me glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say I should be really glad? Sayin' no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now

First problem is the off switch or the lack of one, sure
I bet you'll say "Dude, wear some gloves, bro"
Don't think that I tried that? Just caused a transformation
Into a man with a faux-leather makin'
Tried diff'rent glove makin's, but they all had the same endin', so it's
Not a good plan, leads to more problems, bro

Absorber, slap of the hand, then I glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say it could help me kick ass? I say no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now
Absorber, stroke of the hand, makes me glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say that I can go kick ass? Sayin' no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now, bro

Another little drawback 'bout this power
That would make sure all the mooks won't cower
Once my DNA's mixed up with, let's say, that stone tower
Tower is inanimate, same's now for me
Kinda tricky to kick arse when you're a stiffy-a
Tested that, really blows because when things are deadly
They'll remain sharp to stab or shoot through my torso
And I can't block with my hands cause I'm far too slow

Absorber, rub with my hand, then I glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Tell me what a gift I have? I say no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now
Absorber, feel with my hand, makes me glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Jealous of the gift I have? Sayin' no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now, bro

You may ask me "How did this happen to thee?" now
You may ask me "How did this happen to thee?" now
I will be honest here: I don't know, it's not like I've been-a
Dunked in vats with green glows, too long since I had my shots
Licked by a mutant chameleon? There's one that I've not heard of-a
Could be a cool persona to take up
Shame my powers plain blow chunks, 'fraid it's so, the source ain't one I know-a
Not a mutant, ask me "How do you know?"
Not yet greeted by a bald dude in an old wheelchair, no-a
Nor that asshole that people call Magneto, no

Absorber, wipe of the hand, then I glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Claim it still has promise, man? I say no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now
Absorber, smack of the hand, makes me glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say it's got potential, man? Sayin' no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now

Thinkin' I might go crazy
Cause there is nothin' I can do, I'm sorry
When I found my powers, thought I could help somebody
This crap hand been dealt means no-one can count on-a
Me to save the day, no, dilly-dally, that's all-a
That my fool self is capable of until those with real power
Deign to come and drop down, solve your problems in one stop-a
When ol' Superman comes, quick resolution to the plot, so

Absorber, frisk with my hand, then I glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Want me to practice attacks? I say no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now
Absorber, boop with my hand, makes me glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Want to come up with attacks? Sayin' no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now, bro

It's bullshit, it's bullshit, bullshit, bullshit

It's hard to stay cool in this freaky-deaky world
With supers galore, both good and bad
Yet the one power that's my whole "thing"
Is of a kind that can't bust up crime rings
No intimidation factor in hand
Feelin' down cause my power really blows, man
Dunno what to do, won't snap and go bad
Hard to rob a place when I'm now Paper Man
I'd be no use as a sidekick supporter
Who'd call on the Absorber?

Absorber, whack of the hand, then I glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say that I should not be mad? I say no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now
Absorber, jab of the hand, makes me glow and then I change
Not a costume, dude, now
Say I should stop bein' mad? Sayin' no to that, cause this power's lame
It makes me fume, fume now

It's really dumb, it's really, it's really dumb, it's bullshit
It's bullshit, bullshit, bullshit