I am sitting in the morning at the diner on the corner
I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee
And he fills it only halfway and he says it was on purpose
Says I don’t deserve a full cup, I don’t leave enough in tips

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

"It is never fun to see you", says the man behind the counter
To the woman who has come in, now she’s giving him the finger
And I look the other way as they are shouting insults loud
And I'm pretending not to hear them, and instead I pick my nose

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

I open up The Onion, there's a story of a Sultan
Who had died from eating Tide Pods, pretty sure this all was made up
And I’m hearing lots of shouting and it’s coming from the restroom
Then I'm feeling someone watching me and so I raise my head

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

There's a woman on the outside looking inside, does she see us?
No, she does not really see us 'cause she sees her own reflection
And now everyone is laughing ‘cause she's hitching up her skirt
And while she's straightening her stockings, I take a couple pics

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Oh, this rain, it will continue through the morning as I'm listening
To the clever one-line zingers
You would never hear at church

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

And now the waitress and the busboy are trading tons of “yo mama” jokes
And I finish up my coffee
Farting loud on my way out

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo