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Song Parodies -> "SSK Dolphin (Type 800)"

Original Song Title:

"Daughters of Triton"

Parody Song Title:

"SSK Dolphin (Type 800)"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

After ODS (US Gulf War I), the Israels desperately needed to replace their aging Vickers SSK subs for more modern ones that could form the last leg of a nuclear triad (already possessing missiles and nuke carrying aircraft). But they had a problem- they could not ask France, UK, or Italy (nevermind the US) to modify the 21" torpedo tubes to fire nuke-tipped cruise missiles through or SVDs for covert Ops in the Med. So they turned to the Germans with a request for 3 subs. Germany wanted to test out several systems for their new Type 212 AIP advanced SSKs so they agreed and even donated 2 of the 3 to Israel for free. Dolphin came first, then Leviathan, and then Tekuma by the mid-2000s. The subs are 2000 tons submerged, compact, with comprehensive electronics suites, advanced sonar, automation which reduces the crew to a mere 30 (27 for the German type), and can be armed with conventional 21" torpedos but also a range of cruise missiles due the mods the Germans made on the torpedo tubes, enlarging them. SVDs for covert divers also can be launched from the tubes. But nuke-tipped CMs are a priority to hit the Arab oil fields or hit Tehran and Syria. The SSKs tested the German systems which were incorporated into the more advanced AIP Type 212s which go further in tech with austenetic anti-magnetic steel, permanent magmet motor, fuel cell tech, larger automation, more advanced STN-Atlas torpedoes (DM3A-5s, or rumored tectrallic DM4s which are multisensor cued) and a water-ram silent launch system. The Germans helped the Israelis test the modified tubes off Sri Lanka and RSA and co-operate in the Med, the German advanced frigates aiming guns towards Syria. Israel is happy and the Dolphins will definately play a part in the upcoming attack on Iran's nuke facilities.
Ah, the tale of the SSK Dolphin
To Germany turned needy Israel
Three subs were provided: Dolphin, Leviathan, and Tekuma
With STN-Atlas torpedoes and mods to tubes as well

Firing Popeye-Turbo CMs for instant Persian hell!

With MTU motors, 20 kts, 8000 mile cruise
Automation with 30 crew
Nuclear triad works well
Med prowlers can light up Arab wells

Germans tested features for their Type 212s…

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Pacing: 5.0
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Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - January 30, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob - Israel no doubt thanks Germany for these sub-stitutions! Informative as always with much more musical flair than Jane's!
Rob Arndt - January 30, 2013 - Report this comment
I stopped buying Jane's when they hit $400 a volume and their info is outdated anyway. I get better info from insiders and they don't list blackcraft projects regardless :)

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