Hah, not your average entertainer
I'm good as those stand-up bitches, think they're so hip
Not hatin', them I'm respectin'
It's the comparisons, get me pissed
I'm John, call me Hypnot, guess what I do, what?
Hypnotist, dude, I'll mess around with you
You will lose, to my smooth moves, not voodoo
Won't cost you big bucks, if you show up
To my show, bub, wanna see stuff? Pay up!
10 bucks, pay more for foodstuffs
You don't believe this junk, tell you what
You'll get in free if you don't believe me
After you've seen me do my thing, mind screwing
But you will stop you frontin' if it's convincin'
Now that I've said my piece, I say "Peace!"
The next show starts at three, and my peeps
Phonin', askin' where I'm at, we gotta set up our shit
Here's the address, Mick, please don't miss

Hurry, hurry, hurry, come and see
Soon you will say "Please hypnotize me!"
You think it's old-hat, but I say
Come and check it out, you'll be amazed

Hurry, hurry, hurry, come and see
Soon you will say "Please hypnotize me!"
You think it's bullcrap, but I say
Come and check it out, it's on today

Okay people, sit down, cuz the show will start now
A volunteer, please, yes you, the hip teen
Hot Topic clothes, no, not judgin', no
Now let's do this, don't need gold discs or swirly things
That's stuff's for the newbies, I don't need that pointless shit
I've got my own tricks, it won't take a tick
Just a minute, need to warm up my hands
Now we'll start, Stan, I hope that's your name, man
It's Matt? Sorry, man, that's my bad
Now: a little thing that I have to ask
So Matt: I need you to look straight into my eyes
In the eyes, not 'round the eyes, just look into my eyes
Snap my fingers, now you're under
I command you to do wondrous
Things that you'd never do under your power
Give us the hist'ry of the Eiffel Tower
Shower, you're smelly, why are teens so filthy
3, 2, 1, snap it, you are back in the room, buddy

Ev'rybody's clappin', now they see
I have the pow'r to hypnotize peeps
Don't need to play some flashy games
Like swing a gold coin, cuz that's just lame

Ev'rybody's askin', so loudly
"Hypnot, would you please hypnotize me?"
I'll bet that Mick's in quite a daze
Should've made my bet for him to pay

I dazzle ya with my hypnotist shit
Hope the show pleases ya, bro, pay quickly, swiftly
Doubt you'll want a refund
You'll have fun fun fun legit fun fun
Time to continue this, the next show's at six
My back's killin' me, here's my fave trick
Just flex my wrists, time to get cheatsy
So guys: in my eyes, look in my eyes
Don't look around my eyes, my blue eyes
Ev'rybody here just look into my eyes
I snap my fingers: now ya are all under
For the next hour, you're watchin' my show
It is so friggin' "whoa" it's crazy
And it's anythin' but lazy, nothing here's shady
Randomly shout "Pick me!" laugh and all that junk, please
I'll be backstage, weed party

Johnny Johnny Johnny, this is sweet
Never would've though to do that, I'm freaked
Can't help but love your lazy ways
Guess that's why I'm broke, and you're so paid

Johnny Johnny Johnny, this is sweet
Never would've though to do that, I'm freaked
But I must ask this, anyway:
What happens when the hour's over, do say?

Buddy buddy buddy, don't you freak
Done this for years, it's sorted out, see?
I left a sign out on the stage
That says "Thanks for watching, door's that way!"

Johnny Johnny Johnny, that is sweet
Never would've though to do that, I'm freaked
But I must ask this, anyway:
How will you make this spell end, do say?

Buddy buddy buddy, don't you freak
Done this for years, it's sorted out, see?
Pre-recorded message will boom
"3, 2, 1" a snap "You're in the room"