Damn, My body likes sprouting hair from each pore
I bathe in Nair to try and keep it all down
Spit out hairballs when I must cough quite enough to make a sweater
That’s why your gift is soggy and brown

When I go get a wax-job it is all back at dawn
I look like Robin Williams with some of it gone
It is quite a drag having fuzz, I wake up in the pound

I need a barber
I’m one fuzzy, fuzzy guy
You all know that I am very hairy
I’ve got carpets for thighs

Hated that time the zoo thought I was a bear
Despaired when locked in there with Pooh
I sport an afro because when I ever I attempt to get a haircut
The scissors break and end up in two
Every hour I shave or my beard will grow wide
I’ve got hair on my palms (Guess that myth was no lie)
Beware of hair. You will think that Medusa’s was cute

I need a barber
I’m one fuzzy, fuzzy guy
You all know that I am very hairy
It even sprouts from my eyes, Oh…

I hired a large medical staff
So they can all finally tell me why
They took the tests and made the graphs
But they all just shook their heads and sighed

Now I can no longer can even french-kiss with my own spouse
Because my tongue is like a rug made of shag
To just trim my arm hair I need a whole army of florists
Because beauticians all get grossed out and gag
I wish I looked like a human, and not Cousin Itt
Because under these locks I look just like Brad Pitt
I own a craft store with pottery, you’re “Hairy Potter” they say

Oh!
I need a barber
I’m one fuzzy, fuzzy guy
Oh yes, I am so very hairy
More than Chewbacca's supply

Bring out your hedge clippers!
Trim this fuzzy, fuzzy guy
You know that I am so very hairy
I am not a werewolf… I cry
Opposite of Michael Stipe

Arrr-Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Arrr-Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Growing wilder, and wilder, and wilder…
Growing wilder, and wilder, and wilder…
Growing wilder, and wilder, and wilder…

Yup, I am very hairy!