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Song Parodies -> "Polyvinyl for Millenia"
Original Song Title:
"Carolina in the Morning"
Original Performer:
Al Jolson
Parody Song Title:
"Polyvinyl for Millenia"
Parody Written by:
Giorgio Coniglio
The Lyrics
What could be more drastic than our seas awash in plastic for millenia;
Particles accumulate and enzymatically degradate in fauna.
Population's highest, polluting near the shore.
Altering the constitution of the worldwide ocean floor.
Jellyfish are jealous of those gels the plankton relish for their vinyl,
Seasoning our seafood and inciting crude reactions that are final.
If we had Aladdin's lamp and only one wish,
We'd ask, not me, but seals, whales and fish,
Every Jane and Michael, it's not hard, so please recycle all your pla-a-astic.
Particles accumulate and enzymatically degradate in fauna.
Population's highest, polluting near the shore.
Altering the constitution of the worldwide ocean floor.
Jellyfish are jealous of those gels the plankton relish for their vinyl,
Seasoning our seafood and inciting crude reactions that are final.
If we had Aladdin's lamp and only one wish,
We'd ask, not me, but seals, whales and fish,
Every Jane and Michael, it's not hard, so please recycle all your pla-a-astic.
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Even better than your last "Carolina" parody about snowstorms. The serious subject matter is funny because it's set to a bouncy tune known for its upbeat lyrics. 555. But you missed an important point: there are 270,000 tons of plastics in the world's oceans. Therefore, 270,000 tons of water is displaced. Water weighs 64 pounds per cubic foot. Seventy percent of the Earth's surface is covered with water. The oceans are, on the average, like, very deep. I am 6-feet-tall. I did the math. If somebody tosses one more Poland Spring bottle in an ocean, the water level in my fast-food diner will be up to my ass.
Thanks, Archie, for your interest. Despite your careful calculations, I'm not sure how much sea-debris contributes to rising levels. But as we are finding out here in coastal Carolina, as per recent NOAA reports, the sea-change is scary.
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