My Uncles A to Z (That Good Ole Mountain Dew)
By Bascom Lamar Lunsford with new lyrics by Too Rich Olson and (add you name here)

Chorus:
Oh they call it that good ole mountain dew
And making it's illegal, that is true
But think of all the fun
If Dan'l Shays had won
We'd all be making good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Art
Filled up his cart
With bottles that once held shampoo
The cause of his troubles
Was all of them bubbles
That foamed up in his good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Bob
Applied for a job
And made claims mainly untrue
The day he was hired
Was the day he retired
With a jug full of good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Clive
Was barely alive
As he crawled into old Katmandu
He called to the high lamas
To fetch his red pajamas
Which was wrapped around a jug of mountain dew.

My Uncle Dwight
Stayed out all night
And came home missing a shoe
And the keys to his car
And the top to a jar
That had held a quart of mountain dew.

My Uncle Ernie
Started a journey
That took him to Kalamazoo
To buy Ball jars in baskets
With them red rubber gaskets
To bottle up that good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Frank
Held up a bank
The sheriff said he'd found a clue
Back in the vault
Was some pickled eggs and salt
And an empty jug of good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Gooch
Was patting his pooch
A mean mutt called Winnie-the-Pooh
Who would bark and fuss all night
But would go out like a light
When you filled his bowl with good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Herrick
Was running his derrick
At high speed with a wore out brake shoe
A skid of drums fell down
And rolled into the town
Them folks was taking baths in mountain dew.

My Uncle Izzy
Said he was much too busy
To remove his backyard kudzu
He even let it grow
On top his patio
That's where he batched his good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Jack
Was flat on his back
And the doctors said they hadn't a clue
The IV bags kept draining
But Jack was not complaining
They was filled with good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Kyle
Brought his mash to a bile
And got an idée for a big breakthrough
He turned off the heat
And invented a treat
Which tastes like grits and good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Lemar
Opened a bar
Next to a school of Kung Fu
Folks would punch and kick
And hit things with a stick
Like when you drink that good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Maxwell
Played piano and sax well
But excelled on the Spanish kazoo
He kept it squeaky clean
As part of his routine
By soaking it in good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Nance
Forgot his pants
When meeting the Queen of Peru
No one seemed to notice
Cause they were drinking sodas
Loaded with that good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Owen
Said "Time I start goin'
If I'm gonna reach Hazzard by two
Gotta hit the road
I'm pickin up a load
Of beer nuts, chips and good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Polk
Recited a joke
At the ball for Miss Prudence DePew
Them folks was so well bred
That their faces all turned red
'Course they'd been sipping good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Quint
Would chew on a mint
Before he would kiss my Aunt Sue
They both took the pledge
But under the ledge
He kept a jug of good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Ritter
Ran over a critter
What it was he hadn't a clue
A chipmunk or a bear
A squirrel, prehaps a mare
He'd been drinking good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Speed
Is a singular breed
He was mentioned last year in "Who's Who"
Conservative, elusive
Yet he becomes effusive
When chug-a-lugging good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Truman
Was one of the crewmen
On a plane flying over Wang Poo
They'd parachute supplies
Filling up the skies
With jars and jars of good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Uriah
Was an infamous liar
His statements were mostly untrue
But he was known for truth
And he'd offer you the proof
180 proof - of good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Vern
Filled up an urn
With liquid used for strippin' glue
Renewin' the flatware
And removin' facial hair.
It tastes alot like good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Walter
Went to at the alter
With a woman who n' parlez-vous
She could only say
Ou est le bidet?
And Oui Oui when she drank that mountain dew.

My Uncle Xavier
Earned good behavior
And got out in one year, not two
He thanked the warden
For the roomin' and the boardin'
And the chance to age that good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Yancy
Would dress up real fancy
In a frilly sky-blue tutu
He'd pirouette and plee-ay
With monthly checks from VA
He'd buy some jugs of good ole mountain dew.

My Uncle Zarkoff
Could get all the bark off
Of trees with his patented goo.
The bark gave added flavor
That connoisseurs still savor
When soaked a week in good ole mountain dew.