Thanks For The Comedy
An Observational Tune on the 2016 Republican Iowa Debates
(sing to the tune of ‘Thanks for the Memory’ by Bob Hope & Shirley Ross, 1938) lyrics.com

Thanks for the comedy

election debates are back, the republicans on track,
and all in a PAC(k), with a new red ‘laff-trak’

four years we have waited

as Reali-TV this is great, it’s not scheduled too late
attacking Obama and each other, is how they debate
what they lack in policy, they make up for in hate

thanks for the vitriol

seventeen of them started, then by polls they were parted
first on the undercard, then on to the boneyard
those under-performers, soon after departed

how lovely they were

the Big 10 debaters were these
Trump Bush Cruz Paul and Huckabee
Walker Rubio Kasich Carson and Christie

With Fiorina as the only lady
The Second 7, were taken lightly
including Jindal Graham and Perry
Gilmore Santorum and Pataki

after Iowa we have eight

the undercarders all yearned, but only Carly got a turn
the Big stage was a man’s party

no one seemed sorry

when Carly made the big stage, she seemed to be in a rage
she came across as too gnarly,
Iowa voted but 4%, for Miss Snarly

she has our sympathy

Bush thought it a joke,
when Trump called him slow-poke
with 2% in Iowa, New Hampshire is Bush’s last hope

thanks for the comedy


Ted ‘debater’ Cruz, the senator didn’t lose
his war-monger views, kept his name in the news
while other candidates say, he ain’t yet paid his dues

thanks for your integrity

With Ted’s pretty smile, and his debating guile
Cruz won over Iowa’s rank and file
(though no one can stand him - who’s known Ted for a while)

Ted has no humility

that poor John Kasich, looking some seasick
smartest man in the room, can’t avoid impending doom
(back in twenty-twelve, John Huntsman also fell
smart guys as republicans just never do well)

thanks for the (black) comedy

Rubio is an angry man, the media called him also-ran
it maddened him so, he said ‘yes I can’
the scowl never left his face,
though that scowl could have been his plan

he finished a strong third, and gave a ’victory’ speech
that sounded like the last word

he’ll be but a memory

Santorum Huckabee and Paul, were all destined to fall
and on the third of February, they said their hail marys
say good night to three not-so-good campaigners

who let these losers in?

the DONALD is the greatest, and here’s his to-do list

build up our military, ‘cause all ‘others’ are scary
build the Mexican wall, make it real wide and tall

aren’t these wonderful

repeal obamacare, some ? thing ? will be there ?
make policies into contests, at contests we are best

we will be the GREATEST

Donald said to Roger, If it’s Megyn I’ll dodge her
Megyn can’t anchor, you need to spank her
good luck with your ratings, when I’m a bystander

they’ll be in the tank’r


Palin is on the stump, she came and shimmied for Trump
Sarah even got bristly, letting out her mama grizzly
with her sweater a’glistening, at the media she was sizzling

Sarah is simply stunning

and then DONALD TRUMP, hit a little bump
second place was, a public kick in the rump
that briefly knocked him off, his twittering stump

causing a mainstream-media minor quake,
for DONALD’s Twitter return, they just couldn’t wait

thanks for the comedy

Isn’t TRUMP the GREATEST?


With blatant hypocrisy

Iowa’s results are clear, the freedoms they hold dear
are guns, religion and corporate beer
(as for their federal ethanol subsidy
- which is the main economy here -
it’s loss to the state their governor doth fear)

Thanks for the caucuses

(They hate the establishment here)