'Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the place
We programmers were programming at a furious pace
Our skills were all taxed to the limit that night
Our jobs depended on setting things right

With spaghetti-code programs and data corrupt
We knew if we failed we would be out of luck
For all of our clients had said they would seek
New software suppliers by the end of the week

The listings were strewn on the floor without care
In the hope that some answers might soon appear there
We knew we would have to start in on them soon
'Coz the programs were buggier than Alaska in June

Time flew right by like a bird on the wing
We hardly accomplished a single thing
The analysts ran off screaming and the boss had a fit
Three programmers died and QA all quit

That left me alone with the rest of the task
A worse, grimmer fate, nobody could ask
But just as my head was beginning to swim,
The door burst wide open and Santa Hacker flew in!

My eyes opened wide as I beheld with delight
The sight of this wonder who writes programs right
He winked at me kindly and said with a grin
"Go get me an ashtray, and then I'll begin!"

His complexion was sallow, his eyes sunken deep
And the smell of his breath made me reel on my feet
His clothes were so grimy they could walk on their own
And to him the word "soap" was surely unknown

But the man had a talent completely unbridled
When it came to computers, he hadn't a rival
And on Christmas Eve he would go round the world
Fixing all systems for good boys and girls

He carried a briefcase which he opened up wide
And pushing some ten-month-old munchies aside
He extracted some smokes and a six-pack of beer
I knew the solution was certainly near

With fingers a-blur he typed at my desk
He wrote a few programs and ran a few tests
Disliking the output, he swore and he cursed
He turned the air blue while the system he nursed

All through the night he poked and cajoled
I felt like a man who'd been granted parole
Just before midnight he finally stood
And my heart skipped a beat as he pronounced all things good

I crept to the keyboard as shy as a pup
I pressed the red button - and the system came up!
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I scrolled through the screens
'Twas the very best system that I'd ever seen!

I watched with sheer joy as he demo'ed the system
He called out components as I sat back and listened
"On cursor! On keyboard! On disk drives and bytes!
On drivers! On structures! On menus and mice!"

The screens leapt to life with bright colours and graphs
Santa Hacker had cut down the run time by half
The system did all that I wanted and more
The new bells and whistles were bonus galore

The testers and analysts came back in shame
And the boss soon returned to the land of the sane
Santa Hacker glanced round at the last bit of strife
And the programmers who'd died, he brought back to life

With a sweep of his hand he cleaned up the place
He left for the bar with a smile on his face
And he turned and he waved, 'ere he strode out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"