THE FONDLER

Oh I'm a creepy guy
Who is mentally unsound.
Keep altering my face
Look like an anorexic clown.
For years it has been rumored
That I like boys more than girls.
The things I've been accused of
Would make a normal person hurl
They call me The Fondler
Yeah The Fondler
I grope around and round and round and round and round.

I've held McCauleys in my left hand
Little Ricky's in my right.
Wonder what new rising star
Will grant my wish tonight.
I'll take "em to my playroom
Fill them up with Jesus Juice.
To make "em more adventurous
And keep "em nice and loose.
Cuz I'm a fondler
Yeah, a fondler,
I grope around and round and round and round and round

I have my own amusement park.
I love to make the children smile.
It's how I do that after dark
That's subjected me to lawsuits
And then a criminal trial.

Oh, I'm the type of guy
Who's sensitive and frail.
I pray I'm found not guilty.
Doubt I'd survive too long in jail.
I'd end up with a cell mate
With a name like Thor or Spike
Who would do things to me
That I'd be certain to dislike.
Do more than fondle me,
But climb up onto me
And poke around and round and round and round and round.


I have my own amusement park.
I love to make the children smile.
It's how I do that after dark
That's subjected me to lawsuits
And then a criminal trial.

But mine's the kind of case
In which the jury system failed.
Not guilty on all counts
So I don't have to go to jail.
Guess you could say "I beat it"
As easy as ABC.
No young boy in the world
Is safe from my proclivites
Oh, I'm a fondler
Yeah, a fondler
I grope around and round and round and round and round