Well, since Mario beat me
And shot all of my plans to hell
For the millionth ti-ime, I must retreat
Cause I, Bowser, fe-ell
But I don't feel low or shaky
I'll just blame my cronies
Cause they're why I always seem to fry

Can't be my fault, really doubt it
You think that, you're on mushrooms
It's cause my Koo-oopa Troo-oopas
Can't kill one plumber du-ude and his green bro
They're so damn useless, it's crazy
Those Shy Guys and Goombas
So why do I use them, really, why?

Scale of my plans has been gro-owin'
Still need Princess Peach kidnapped
When that fails, it ca-an't be cause of me
It's because my minions are crap, afraid it's so
So easily squashed, it's crazy
Defeated by plumbers
They're where all my problems have to lie

Say, who hi-ired all of these troops?
You're sayin' it's me? Oh hell
Well, I guess the bla-ame for my defeat
Comes from my own shell
Why'd nobody tell me?
No wonder I fail hard lately
My ego won't depart
I guess in the lava my brain's fried

Well, I can't just mope about it
Think I should push to improve
My troops so stu-upid plu-umbers
Won't send them to their doom, cause that would blow
A new reign of Bowser's co-omin'
New reign of King Koopa
This time it's those plumbers who will die-ie