"Oh Dear Lord, you've made many, many rich people
I realize of course it's not a crime to be rich
But it sure ain't freedom either
So would it have been so terrible
If I had West Virginian heritage

(Sigh)
If I were a redneck
Yee-haw, Let's go hunting, Dern Right, City Slicking Punks
All day long, I'd fiddle with my gun
If I were a white trash man
I
Wouldn't have to work out!
Yee-haw! Let's go hunting, Dern Right, City Slicking Punks
If I were a trailer living b*tch
Very, idle, idle, idle man

I'd
Build
A
Big ol' shack with guns by the thousand
Right in the boondocks part of town
A plastic roof with cockroach covered floors below
There'd be one large bare space for my pick-up
And one even larger, dead grass brown
And one more in my front yard just for show

I'd
Fill
My
Yard with raccoons, and turkeys, and geese and dogs
For the town to run in fear
Running all through the streets cause they can

And each loud
"Burp"
And "*Hic*"
And "Hon"
And "Y'all"
Would come out with an accent from the beers
As if to say, "Here lives a drunken man"

(Sigh)
If I were a redneck
Yee-haw! Let's go hunting, Dern Right, City Slicking Punks
All day long I'd live just like a bum
If I were a white trash man
I
Wouldn't Have To Work Out!
Yee-haw! Let's go hunting, Dern Right, City Slicking Punks
If I were a "Wanna hunt or fish?"
Life style, kinda style, kinda man

I'd
See
My wife
My cousin, looking like a redneck's wife
With implanted Double-Ds
Making home cooked meals a road kill delight
I'd see her putting overalls
And working on my pick-up
Oy, what an oily bod's she's got
Screaming at her hubbie
Day and Night
"Clean it up!"
"Ahhh!!!"
"Hurry Up!"
"Ahhhh!!!"

The most redneckish men in town will come and follow me
They will ask me to advise them
Like Foxworthy the wise
"If you please, Billy Bob uh"
"Got some beans Billy Bob uh"
Posing problems involving NASCAR drives
Je-ff-ff-ff Gor-don
Jeff Gor-don
Jeff Gor-don-don

And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong
All these hicks they think you really know

If
I
Were
Trash
I'd have the time to relax
To sit in a deer stand all day
And maybe get some meat from a nine-point buck
And I'd go shout some dirty words at the tour-ists
Several hours every day
And that would be Dern Tootinest thing of all

(Sigh)

If I were a redneck
Yee-haw! Let's go hunting, Dern Right, City Slicking Punks
All day long I'd live like Forest Gump
If I were a white trash man
I
Wouldn't have to work out!
Yee-haw! Let's go hunting, Dern Right, City Slicking Punks

Bored of limos and tender part of ham
I declare hand me baked beans and Spam
Never toil and just live off the land

If
I
Weren't A
Wealthy
Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!