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Song Parodies -> "Prostate Cancer"
Original Song Title:
"Love and Marriage"
Original Performer:
Frank Sinatra
Parody Song Title:
"Prostate Cancer"
Parody Written by:
Giorgio Coniglio's Grandson
The Lyrics
Humor remains the best medicine, even for retired physicians.
Strange behavior, prostate cancer
Danger lurking down there in your pants, sir?
Age-effect? guys wondered
So, “Yes”, you’ll have it at one hunderd.
(bridge)
Most such tumors are just harmless
‘Cancer in situ’ [1]
You’ll kick can from other cause, yet
Concept might befright you.
If you’ve got 10 years to squander
These are treatment outcomes you should ponder:
No spread when detected -
Five-year survival’s not affected!
(But) Certain cancers are bad actors
Younger age and bad genes are risk factors
Yet we’ve got the greatest,
For early pick-up: PSA-test [2]
(bridge)
Try set frequency and onset;
Screen to detect’em.
Current guide adds DRE [3] - that’s
Finger-up-rectum.
DRE and PSA-test
If they’re worrisome you’ll face the next step
To resolve the issue
Your doc will want to get some tissue.
Cut and cure my prostate cancer?
Ask your Uro, he’ll provide the answer.
Positive biopsy –
Might turn your life-plan turvy-topsy.
Plan for treatment and prognosis -
That depends on what your Gleason-score [4] shows
“Six” - equivocation
You might pick watchful expectation.
(bridge)
Sigh! Why try avoid? Decide [5], if
You’ve drawn a “Seven”.
There’s no call for you to bawl
Or .. pack bags for Heaven.
If it’s surg(e)ry, I’d subject me
To a retropubic prostatect(o)my;
Radical excision
Routine or fancy [6] - your decision.
Kids, I’m betting on the cure–oh!
So I’m heading home to see my Uro
As I told your mother,
“Four decades passed, they went by fast,
Four decades passed, let’s spend another.”
Additional pointers from my grandfather, Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec :
Readers are advised to inform themselves to the extent possible, and then discuss the many issues involved with their health provider. Excellent online material is available at the American Cancer Society website.
[1] cancer 'in place', which has not invaded locally or spread beyond the prostate gland.
[2] Prostate-Specific Antigen; a protein which leaks into the blood at a rate proportional to the activity of prostate cells; frequently used to help detect and monitor cancer.
[3] Digital Rectal Examination by your urologist (uro), or other doctor; not pleasant, but important.
[4] a measure of the abnormality in pathological cell-type on either biopsy or surgical specimens, on a 10-point scale, based on the 2 most abnormal patterns found within the gland.
[5] at this point, treatment is usually recommended to eliminate all prostate tissue. Surgery is the more common choice, but various forms of radiation (external beam or implantation of radioactive beads) have also been used.
6] recently, high-tech variants (laparoscopic and robotic surgery) have been developed, but their additional benefit is as yet incompletely proven.
Danger lurking down there in your pants, sir?
Age-effect? guys wondered
So, “Yes”, you’ll have it at one hunderd.
(bridge)
Most such tumors are just harmless
‘Cancer in situ’ [1]
You’ll kick can from other cause, yet
Concept might befright you.
If you’ve got 10 years to squander
These are treatment outcomes you should ponder:
No spread when detected -
Five-year survival’s not affected!
(But) Certain cancers are bad actors
Younger age and bad genes are risk factors
Yet we’ve got the greatest,
For early pick-up: PSA-test [2]
(bridge)
Try set frequency and onset;
Screen to detect’em.
Current guide adds DRE [3] - that’s
Finger-up-rectum.
DRE and PSA-test
If they’re worrisome you’ll face the next step
To resolve the issue
Your doc will want to get some tissue.
Cut and cure my prostate cancer?
Ask your Uro, he’ll provide the answer.
Positive biopsy –
Might turn your life-plan turvy-topsy.
Plan for treatment and prognosis -
That depends on what your Gleason-score [4] shows
“Six” - equivocation
You might pick watchful expectation.
(bridge)
Sigh! Why try avoid? Decide [5], if
You’ve drawn a “Seven”.
There’s no call for you to bawl
Or .. pack bags for Heaven.
If it’s surg(e)ry, I’d subject me
To a retropubic prostatect(o)my;
Radical excision
Routine or fancy [6] - your decision.
Kids, I’m betting on the cure–oh!
So I’m heading home to see my Uro
As I told your mother,
“Four decades passed, they went by fast,
Four decades passed, let’s spend another.”
Additional pointers from my grandfather, Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec :
Readers are advised to inform themselves to the extent possible, and then discuss the many issues involved with their health provider. Excellent online material is available at the American Cancer Society website.
[1] cancer 'in place', which has not invaded locally or spread beyond the prostate gland.
[2] Prostate-Specific Antigen; a protein which leaks into the blood at a rate proportional to the activity of prostate cells; frequently used to help detect and monitor cancer.
[3] Digital Rectal Examination by your urologist (uro), or other doctor; not pleasant, but important.
[4] a measure of the abnormality in pathological cell-type on either biopsy or surgical specimens, on a 10-point scale, based on the 2 most abnormal patterns found within the gland.
[5] at this point, treatment is usually recommended to eliminate all prostate tissue. Surgery is the more common choice, but various forms of radiation (external beam or implantation of radioactive beads) have also been used.
6] recently, high-tech variants (laparoscopic and robotic surgery) have been developed, but their additional benefit is as yet incompletely proven.
This, and other unofficial but cogent nonsense, mostly singable, is also available at Giorgio's Ukable Parodies
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Prostate surg'ry, after surg'ry
You may well go limp though you have urge-ry
If that makes you hyper
Here's more: you may pee in a diaper.
Dio mio! Dio mio!
Light a candle for your Holy Trio
Please try not to worry
And be encouraged by Joe Torre.
You may well go limp though you have urge-ry
If that makes you hyper
Here's more: you may pee in a diaper.
Dio mio! Dio mio!
Light a candle for your Holy Trio
Please try not to worry
And be encouraged by Joe Torre.
@Al: / Such good wishes, you should stuff up / Here's a challenge, "Puff up if I puff up" / Palindrome-retyper - / In both directions, "Repaid Diaper". /
I was stating a couple of well-known side effects, which you omitted, of prostate surgery. Amid all the other details, the omission was glaring. Of course, you have my best wishes for a rapid recovery, good health, good parodies and long life.
Amusing verse about a very unfunny topic. And well-paced, too. That's what good parody writing is about. Lots of good, solid information, too.
I guess "Up Yours" in this case would be a compliment, GCG!!! All men should have their prostates checked.
I "Gleasoned out" at 7, at a very young age (50), so surgery was highly recommended. I went with the robot; there is one distinct advantages of the Da Vinci, which is a much smaller main incision. ...... PSA is the hormone that the prostate manufactures and adds to your seminal fluid. In the normal course of events PSA is stored in ducts and does not spill out into the bloodstream. Cancerous prostate cells produce far more PSA than normal cells, which causes PSA to spill out of the ducts and into the blood. That's why PSA in the blood is a marker of prostate cancer
@CML; Sorry to learn of your illness. To talk about this we should get on the same page, so words don't confuse. 'Hormone' e,g, testosterone, has a specific meaning, and is NB in this disease. PSA is an enzyme protein, not a hormone. As with a few other protein markers whose blood levels can be used to help screen for specific cancers, it is surprising and fortunate that there is usually production by the disorganized malignant cells. But production and leakage into the blood from more normal cells accounts for the usual 'normal' blood-levels (the cutoff is arbitrary), and for the 'false' elevations that can occur with inflammation or benign prostate enlargement. But I've been retired for over 2 years, and practiced in a different country, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
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