SONG - RALF:
Never mind the rye and whisky
We love beer, and though it's risky
If we want the tappers open we must
Change Sir Hoseoff's mind
So let's not just sit here mopin'
Let's a proper answer find

ALL:
Stop the actions of the owner
Who has really gone too far
He is pulling one big boner
Taking brewskis from this bar

RALF:
I'm a man who gets his sips here

MORPH:
I'm a girl who gets her tips here

RALF:
I'm a man who often trips here

MORPH:
And I meet a lot of drips here

ALL:
Put the pitcher on the table
The solution's not complex
Drink until you are not able
To give a damn what happens next

MORPH:
Never mind the wine and bourbon
There is one thing that's disturbin'
Me and that is how can you complain
When no one pays his bill?
My poor father has been strainin'
While you sit and drink your fill

ALL:
Say, she's right we should be paying
Or we won't get any more
Listen up to what she's saying
Or he's going to lock the door

RALF:
And I don't find that amusing

MORPH:
So you better stop excusing

RALF:
My life's purpose I am losing

MORPH:
Now you'll have to quit your boozing

ALL:
Put the pitcher on the table
For the money will be found
We will only hear this fable
If you pour another round

RALF:
Never mind all the tequila
It is beer for which I feel a
Certain satisfying stupor
And for which I'll always fight
Though my hangover is super
I'll be in here every night

ALL:
Ralf, you know we're right behind you
You're the leader of us all
And we know where we can find you
Sleeping in the bathroom stall

MORPH:
So it's you that's been selected

RALF:
So it's me that's been elected?

MORPH:
Someone with a brain infected

RALF:
Someday that may be corrected

ALL:
Put the pitcher on the table
We know you can do the job
Now you wear the union label
You're the leader of this mob