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Song Parodies -> "The Battle of The Pirates Who Penstanzas"
Original Song Title:
"The Battle of The Pirates of Penzance"
Original Performer:
Gilbert and Sullivan
Parody Song Title:
"The Battle of The Pirates Who Penstanzas"
Parody Written by:
The Comedian
The Lyrics
This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas". Stuart might edit this parody and change some of the character-names to fit the final version of the overall story-line.
[ Following Major-General Johnny D's singing "Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" ..... ]
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Now what is this, and what is that, and why does General Johnny sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?
Sir Johnny is, and always was, the most laconical a man!
It's his invariable rule to sing as little as he can!
What strange occurrence can it be that calls Sir Johnny now to sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?
About Chuck-y our stalward King,
At such a time of night?
[ The Lewd Submitters spring from their hiding-place! ]
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
Forward, perverts, and seize that General there!
[ They seize Major-General Johnny D! ]
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
The perverts! The perverts! Oh, despair!
[ Lewd Submitters: ]
Yes, we're the perverts, so despair!
[ Major-General Johnny D: ]
Rodderdick, here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!
Summon your men and effect their capture!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Rodderdick, save us!
[ Rodderdick: ]
Dutiful Pirate,
My gun's made of wood -- alas, cannot fire it !
[ Lewd Submitters: ]
He's telling the truth, he cannot fire it !
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
With base conceit,
You jerked us 'round, we're reeling!
Revenge is sweet,
A pornographic feeling!
With New-Age flair,
And music played by Yanni,
For death prepare,
Unhappy General Johnny!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Is he to die, unshaven, unshampooed?
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Oh, spare him!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Is no one here in save-a-Johnny mood?
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Oh, spare him!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron leaps from THEIR hiding-place! ]
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron, waving chop-sticks menacingly: ]
Yes, we are here, with take-out Chinese food!
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Oh, rapture!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
FIGHT
LEWD
VOCABULARY!
FIGHT LIKE PRUDES!
[ A struggle ensues between the Lewd Submitters and Stuey-Poo's Squadron, Eventually Stuey-Poo's Squadron is overcome and falls prostrate, the Lewd Submitters standing over them with PDAs, Pocket PCs, and Blackberries! ]
[ Lewd Submitters & Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
We/You triumph now, 'tis time to bow,
Your/Our on-line ca-reer's cut short;
No pervert-band will take its stand
At the Cen-tral Pro-ces-sing Court!
[ Stuey-Poo: ]
To gain a brief advantage you've contrived,
But your proud triumph will not be long-lived!
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
Don't say you are newbies, for we know that game!
[ Stuey-Poo: ]
On your obsession we've a stronger claim –-
We charge you yield, we charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
You do?
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
We do!
We charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron members leap to their feet and strip-off their uniforms which were cleverly held together only by strips of velcro --- and each member of the Squadron is revealed to be dressed in drag in Victoria's Secret teddies & camisoles -- the Lewd Submitters fall to their knees at the sight! ]
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
We yield at once, with humbled mien,
Because, with all our faults, we love Drag Queens!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!
[ All: ]
Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron, holding Lewd Submitters by the collar, take out frilly lace handkerchiefs and weep ]
[ Major-General Johnny D: ]
Away with them, to the Drag Queen Bar!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
One moment! Let me tell you who they are!
They are no members of the common throng;
They are all horny men who have gone wrong!
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
They are all horny men who have gone wrong!
[ Major-General Johnny D: ]
No stanza-penning Pirate unmoved that statement hears,
Because, with all our faults, we love both straights and queers!
I pray you, pardon me, ex-Lewd-Submitter-King!
Leers will be leers, and you still have your thing.
Resume your pranks and pornographic duties,
And take my Dachshunds, all of whom ate Roofies!
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Now what is this, and what is that, and why does General Johnny sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?
Sir Johnny is, and always was, the most laconical a man!
It's his invariable rule to sing as little as he can!
What strange occurrence can it be that calls Sir Johnny now to sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?
About Chuck-y our stalward King,
At such a time of night?
[ The Lewd Submitters spring from their hiding-place! ]
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
Forward, perverts, and seize that General there!
[ They seize Major-General Johnny D! ]
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
The perverts! The perverts! Oh, despair!
[ Lewd Submitters: ]
Yes, we're the perverts, so despair!
[ Major-General Johnny D: ]
Rodderdick, here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!
Summon your men and effect their capture!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Rodderdick, save us!
[ Rodderdick: ]
Dutiful Pirate,
My gun's made of wood -- alas, cannot fire it !
[ Lewd Submitters: ]
He's telling the truth, he cannot fire it !
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
With base conceit,
You jerked us 'round, we're reeling!
Revenge is sweet,
A pornographic feeling!
With New-Age flair,
And music played by Yanni,
For death prepare,
Unhappy General Johnny!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Is he to die, unshaven, unshampooed?
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Oh, spare him!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Is no one here in save-a-Johnny mood?
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Oh, spare him!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron leaps from THEIR hiding-place! ]
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron, waving chop-sticks menacingly: ]
Yes, we are here, with take-out Chinese food!
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
Oh, rapture!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
FIGHT
LEWD
VOCABULARY!
FIGHT LIKE PRUDES!
[ A struggle ensues between the Lewd Submitters and Stuey-Poo's Squadron, Eventually Stuey-Poo's Squadron is overcome and falls prostrate, the Lewd Submitters standing over them with PDAs, Pocket PCs, and Blackberries! ]
[ Lewd Submitters & Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
We/You triumph now, 'tis time to bow,
Your/Our on-line ca-reer's cut short;
No pervert-band will take its stand
At the Cen-tral Pro-ces-sing Court!
[ Stuey-Poo: ]
To gain a brief advantage you've contrived,
But your proud triumph will not be long-lived!
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
Don't say you are newbies, for we know that game!
[ Stuey-Poo: ]
On your obsession we've a stronger claim –-
We charge you yield, we charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
You do?
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
We do!
We charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron members leap to their feet and strip-off their uniforms which were cleverly held together only by strips of velcro --- and each member of the Squadron is revealed to be dressed in drag in Victoria's Secret teddies & camisoles -- the Lewd Submitters fall to their knees at the sight! ]
[ Leader of The Lewd Submitters: ]
We yield at once, with humbled mien,
Because, with all our faults, we love Drag Queens!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron: ]
Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!
[ All: ]
Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!
[ Stuey-Poo's Squadron, holding Lewd Submitters by the collar, take out frilly lace handkerchiefs and weep ]
[ Major-General Johnny D: ]
Away with them, to the Drag Queen Bar!
[ Leader of the Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
One moment! Let me tell you who they are!
They are no members of the common throng;
They are all horny men who have gone wrong!
[ Pirates Who Penstanzas: ]
They are all horny men who have gone wrong!
[ Major-General Johnny D: ]
No stanza-penning Pirate unmoved that statement hears,
Because, with all our faults, we love both straights and queers!
I pray you, pardon me, ex-Lewd-Submitter-King!
Leers will be leers, and you still have your thing.
Resume your pranks and pornographic duties,
And take my Dachshunds, all of whom ate Roofies!
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Voting Breakdown
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| 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 5 | 4 | 4 |
User Comments
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brilliant job on this....5s plus
DKTOS, sorry JD but awesome write.
This is so good, Stu and yourself should have done The Pirates Who Penstanzas by yourselves. You ought to be a playwright after your acting career. Brilliant stuff Johnny
Very good, JD. Really quite remarkable, indeed.
Thanks alvin, Rick C, Dee, and Philbo.
We charge you yeild in Victoria's Secret's name. *giggle* that's awesome.
Thank you, Sweet Indigo. Are you one of the Indigo Children?
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