I scored a catwalk model with some BS, astrological
I talked about Uranus (but it wasn't scatological)
She told me she's a Pisces and although I couldn't give a fu..ss
I said I was the planet's first Aquari-sagittarius!
I bragged that I had dabbled in the black arts and clairvoyancy
While checking out her rack and wondering about their buoyancy
The honey flashed a smile, thus indicating I might have a hope
I asked her if she'd like to see my private pocket telescope!

[ALL] He asked her if she'd like to see his private pocket telescope! (x2)
Astrology? Astronomy? He got 'em mixed up; what a dope

She looked a little quizzical; I made a fast recovery
And tried to stop my lustful gaze from always heading southerly
In short, I won her over with pronouncements quite illogical
If you think I'm immoral, you can kiss my ass-trological!

[ALL] In short, he won her over with pronouncements quite illogical
If you think he's immoral, you can kiss his ass-trological!

She asked me 'bout the spirit world; was I adept at channelling?
I told her Cobain often speaks thru me (Boy, was I flannelling!)
And thus convinced her Elvis Presley's on my psychic Rolodex
And astral planing's so much easier when having rampant sex
You'd think she would have scoped me: that my lies were ineffectual
But, sadly, this girl thinks that Paris Hilton's intellectual
She's never read a novel, and she shuns all knowledge factual
But who cares, when her body's paranormal, supernatural?

He don't care, coz her body's paranormal, supernatural! (x3)

I claimed I could predict the future like that Nostril-damus dude
She said she'd like a reading, after which she's show her "gratitude"
I asked her what her name was; seems that she was christened "Krystal Ball"
I said, "Folks call me Gene E. Lamp, and you can rub me 'til I'm sore!"

[ALL] He said folks called him Gene E. Lamp? We're not convinced this guy will score...

We went to my apartment, but because I had no incense there
I set alight a car air-fresh'ner and I waved it in the air
I found a pack of tarot cards that my ex-lover left behind
And told the gal to concentrate, undo her blouse and free her mind
I mumbled lots of muddled Hebrew phrases learned at synagogue
I whirled 'round like a dervish (and I accidentally kicked the dog)
And when I came out of my trance, I said "It seems your future's bright-
With health, wealth, fame and fortuneincident'lly, can you spend the night?"

[ALL] We can't believe this bozo got the Amazon to spend the night! (x3)

The story ends quite well, my friends: she was awed by my artistry
And so impressed, she got undressed and we engaged in "palmistry"
Although you may be sickened, I won't offer an apology
There ain't no law says you can't score with smooth talk and astrology!

[ALL] There ain't no law says you can't score with smooth talk and astrology!