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Song Parodies -> "The Major-Gold Digger's Song"
Original Song Title:
"The Major-General's Song"
Original Performer:
Gilbert and Sullivan
Parody Song Title:
"The Major-Gold Digger's Song"
Parody Written by:
Arwen
The Lyrics
Um...this is my first attempt at this OS...and I went ahead and took some liberties as far as internal rhyme scheme and/or repetitive-ness in the "repetitive" bits....Be kind....
He is the major model of the perfect guy to be my mate
It doesn't matter that his use of diction isn't all that great
He may have nasty manners, no I've never seen him hold a door
But several times I've held the door for him and he's called me a whore
I want to be his lady, I want him to be my lovin' man
Though I heard from an inside source that he's a shameless "Matlock" fan
He doesn't even have a job, I'm not sure what he does for fun
But I assure you, when it comes to love he is the only one
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
He hasn't had a driver's license since his eighty-seventh wreck
If we go out skeet shooting, as I know he's blind, I hit the deck
He loves his food with garlic, but he never seems to have a mint
He slurs his words, but I contend my be-lov-ed was heaven sent
To be the one he longs for is the only thing I really want
Because, I will admit it, my poor wallet's looking awful gaunt
His fashion sense is dismal, he wears plaids and stripes with everything
But by his side I will remain, a Queen who clashes with her King
I try to overlook the fact the he eats crackers in his bed
And I will smile while dancing when his wheelchair on my foot has tread
I cannot stand the way he eats his dinner with his mouth open
But for a diamond ring from him with all my heart I am hopin'
He isn't cute, but that is moot, I swear I'll never go astray
Yes, I will stay devoted to him up until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
He's got a dozen lady friends who'd take my place given the chance
There's Ethel, Myrtle, El-o-ise, and more who long for this romance
But I'm the one he chose above them all it seems I've passed the test
Though I'm not sure it has nothing to do with the size of my breasts
Yes, I'm the one, he vowed his love and took me on a shopping spree
I left him napping in the food court once he gave his card to me
I think there might be those of you who question what my motive is
What's wrong with swearing that my one desire is to just be his?
I know he kind of smells funny and sometimes he can't chew his food
But that is only when his pesky dentures go and come unglued
His children, they all hate me, per-haps because they are twice my age
And once I have become his wife, they'll go, in his Will, back a page
But love's a funny thing, you know, he fell for me against the odds
And that's a good thing, 'cause without him, I could not afford this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
He's ninety three, that's fine with me, I know he hasn't got much time
If we are wed, and then the's dead, I won't cry but I'll get what's mine
It won't take long after our wedding trip to South Am-er-i-ca
Or maybe I'll get lucky and down there he'll catch Mal-ar-i-a
Yes soon, I'll get what I deserve, I'll be Number One in his Will
The Irony's that I'm the one who'll die while we are in Brazil!
It doesn't matter that his use of diction isn't all that great
He may have nasty manners, no I've never seen him hold a door
But several times I've held the door for him and he's called me a whore
I want to be his lady, I want him to be my lovin' man
Though I heard from an inside source that he's a shameless "Matlock" fan
He doesn't even have a job, I'm not sure what he does for fun
But I assure you, when it comes to love he is the only one
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
Yes I assure you, there's no other fit to be my Honey Bun
He hasn't had a driver's license since his eighty-seventh wreck
If we go out skeet shooting, as I know he's blind, I hit the deck
He loves his food with garlic, but he never seems to have a mint
He slurs his words, but I contend my be-lov-ed was heaven sent
To be the one he longs for is the only thing I really want
Because, I will admit it, my poor wallet's looking awful gaunt
His fashion sense is dismal, he wears plaids and stripes with everything
But by his side I will remain, a Queen who clashes with her King
I try to overlook the fact the he eats crackers in his bed
And I will smile while dancing when his wheelchair on my foot has tread
I cannot stand the way he eats his dinner with his mouth open
But for a diamond ring from him with all my heart I am hopin'
He isn't cute, but that is moot, I swear I'll never go astray
Yes, I will stay devoted to him up until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
I'll hold this burning torch for him for months--until his dying day
He's got a dozen lady friends who'd take my place given the chance
There's Ethel, Myrtle, El-o-ise, and more who long for this romance
But I'm the one he chose above them all it seems I've passed the test
Though I'm not sure it has nothing to do with the size of my breasts
Yes, I'm the one, he vowed his love and took me on a shopping spree
I left him napping in the food court once he gave his card to me
I think there might be those of you who question what my motive is
What's wrong with swearing that my one desire is to just be his?
I know he kind of smells funny and sometimes he can't chew his food
But that is only when his pesky dentures go and come unglued
His children, they all hate me, per-haps because they are twice my age
And once I have become his wife, they'll go, in his Will, back a page
But love's a funny thing, you know, he fell for me against the odds
And that's a good thing, 'cause without him, I could not afford this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
Yes, what a good thing, he's the one who's paid for me to have this bod
He's ninety three, that's fine with me, I know he hasn't got much time
If we are wed, and then the's dead, I won't cry but I'll get what's mine
It won't take long after our wedding trip to South Am-er-i-ca
Or maybe I'll get lucky and down there he'll catch Mal-ar-i-a
Yes soon, I'll get what I deserve, I'll be Number One in his Will
The Irony's that I'm the one who'll die while we are in Brazil!
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User Comments
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i don't mind a gold digger as long as they're not a "miner"
Superb job!
brilliant, Arwen! A golden parody, might I suggest? Loved every bit - but the "back a page" line got the literal LOL....and bullet-proof pacing too, no less
...hmmm, now you have a Marchish problem though, it would seem
;-)
...hmmm, now you have a Marchish problem though, it would seem
;-)
Wonderful work, Arwen. The problem is that now I know you're really Anna Nicole Smith.
Arwen, you finally did this! Congratulations! TMGLTM, and, well, just great!.
Bravo, Arwen! This most likely has already upstaged the Major-General parody I've already finished but won't be submitting for a couple of weeks so it comes up in April. But I digress. This was most excellent, and confirms proof that this song isn't really THAT hard if you put your mind to it.
I love it!! =) =)
alvin...hee! Thanks!
John...thank you very much!
Stuart...Golden? Who's to say? There are PLENTY of days left in March...this little gem might not even make my final cut. ; ) Thanks, though...I appreciate it...
Rick...I was waiting for someone to make that reference...you're the winner!! =) Thanks!
Red Ant...yeah, we'll call it a "finally," for sure...=) Thanks a bunch!
Cat...ahhh, I'll look for your parody whenever you decide to post it. In all honesty, though, I can't think of one reason as to why you'd wait until April to submit it. It's done, right? Oh well...color me confused...and thanks.
Serafina...thanks!
John...thank you very much!
Stuart...Golden? Who's to say? There are PLENTY of days left in March...this little gem might not even make my final cut. ; ) Thanks, though...I appreciate it...
Rick...I was waiting for someone to make that reference...you're the winner!! =) Thanks!
Red Ant...yeah, we'll call it a "finally," for sure...=) Thanks a bunch!
Cat...ahhh, I'll look for your parody whenever you decide to post it. In all honesty, though, I can't think of one reason as to why you'd wait until April to submit it. It's done, right? Oh well...color me confused...and thanks.
Serafina...thanks!
Another golden oldie.
Thanks, Larry.
Since when did Fred get cash and a wheelchair? He's glad to see you've come around though =)
The reason I'm waiting is so it's eligible in the April SOTM, of course! I'll be entering my parody "The Wreck Of That Dude Bode Miller" this month.
Rick C. stole my comment. Lotta good lines, "Queen/King" and "crackers in bed" (ref. to old joke?). General-ly, Major success. 555
Jeff...hee! I don't think I could EVER pretend to love Fred...regardless of how much money he had. Ever. I wouldn't mind seeing him in a wheelchair, though...it might slow him down and make it easier to dodge his advances...; )
Cat...I see. To me...that still just doesn't make sense...for a couple of reasons:
1. How do you know that once you've posted your Major General parody on April 1st, that you won't come up with something that you're even MORE proud of on April 5th? And...if that's the case...are you going to wait until May to submit that one?
2. What about the inspirational windfall that might come your way around April 18th? Are we talking about June's entry then?
3. In theory, you could write your whole year's worth of SOTM entries just this month. Then...what happens with the parodies you write in May? Saving them for 2007?
While I'm seemingly in the minority here...(you're not the only one who does this)...I just don't get it. At all. Why you don't give yourself some credit...has it occurred to you that you could actually come up with something SOTM worthy EVERY single month?? I have faith in you. But you know...it's your call...and like I said...I'm the odd man out on this one...so...do what you want to do...=)
Tommy...thanks a bunch, Mister T. =)
Cat...I see. To me...that still just doesn't make sense...for a couple of reasons:
1. How do you know that once you've posted your Major General parody on April 1st, that you won't come up with something that you're even MORE proud of on April 5th? And...if that's the case...are you going to wait until May to submit that one?
2. What about the inspirational windfall that might come your way around April 18th? Are we talking about June's entry then?
3. In theory, you could write your whole year's worth of SOTM entries just this month. Then...what happens with the parodies you write in May? Saving them for 2007?
While I'm seemingly in the minority here...(you're not the only one who does this)...I just don't get it. At all. Why you don't give yourself some credit...has it occurred to you that you could actually come up with something SOTM worthy EVERY single month?? I have faith in you. But you know...it's your call...and like I said...I'm the odd man out on this one...so...do what you want to do...=)
Tommy...thanks a bunch, Mister T. =)
UR welcome, Arwen.. and since ya said yer a 'Hamlet" fan, will tell ya that there's another version of TT (bane of Dane, no doubt) parody that might post Fri 24 Mar, if it gets past the "censor"... but, it might not be fer yer "delicate" eyes and ears.. :) :)
Gah! Arwen, you're making my head spin. I think I won't ever do something like this again, but in a way I guess this is a character builder for me, much like my abstinence from Coke for Lent. (maybe that's why I'm so wishy-washy...I don't have my precious caffeine!) I could do with a little lesson in patience.
Beautifully done, Arwen... but I thought the perfect chap to be your mate was this long-haired macho ranger type?
Cat...hooray. Making your head spin was really my only goal!
Phil...thanks very much, sir...and you're right, for the record.
Phil...thanks very much, sir...and you're right, for the record.
Not visited the site much recently, but saw a reference to this in comments on someone else's song and just HAD to check it out. Woohoo!! Great stuff :-)
Thanks very much, Adam...=) Sorry for the late response!
I don't know how I missed this one the first time around, but in general, it's a major achievement, it's golden, and I really dig it.
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