Martha:
I am the very model of the homemaker perfectionist,
My house is always ultra neat and when I dust no spots are missed,
Exceedingly resourceful, I make coasters out of piggy snouts,
And create Christmas ornaments from old left over brussel sprouts,
I am so downright proper when you see me there on the TV,
Though off camera I sometimes can be heard to say C-R-A-P,
Bad things are said about me because I've had good financial luck,
But it's quite fine to let them whine, 'cause I don't give flying...hoot.

Chorus:
But it's quite fine to let them whine, she doesn't give a flying hoot,
But it's quite fine to let them whine, she doesn't give a flying hoot,
But it's quite fine to let them whine, she doesn't give a flying, flying hoot.

Martha:
Wah, wah, wah, wah.

My critics are trying to get me to feel some awful guilt
Because from little stupid stuff a great big empire was built,
So move before I run you down; yes that is pretty much my gist,
I am the very model of the most perfect perfectionist.

Chorus:
So move before she runs you down; yes that is pretty much her gist,
She is the very model of the most perfect perfectionist.

Newsperson: One insider stock trading scandal later, Martha Stewart incorporated becomes Martha Stewart incarcerated.

Martha:
I am a model prisoner of the federal penitentiary,
I see a lot folks I seem to remember from New Jersey,
This place is so drab that it needs some turquoise curtains with a sheen,
At mess I'll show them all the things that they can do with franks and beans,
For arts and crafts I've got techniques I know they all will think are great
For putting special touches on when you are making license plates.
And for more elemental needs, it's clear I need to write a code
So my cellmates will think of how to better care for the commode

Chorus:
So her cellmates will think of how to better care for the commode,
So her cellmates will think of how to better care for the commode,
So her cellmates will think, will think of how to better care for the commode

Martha:
(sarcastically) Right....

Although it's jail, you could say this place still has quite a touch of glam,
I saw Art Andersen, he's in the witness protection program,
While it's true there are lots of places that I would much rather be,
I am a model prisoner of the federal penitentiary,

Chorus:
While it's true there are lots of places that she would much rather be,
She is a model prisoner of the federal penitentiary,

Martha:
The moral of this story is that when in business wealth is sought,
Anything you do is fine as long as you do not get caught,
And that everyone has flaws, although we all can plainly see,
The only perfect person left on Earth is very clearly me.

Chorus:
And that everyone has flaws, although we all can plainly see,
The only perfect person left on Earth is very clearly she.


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