Should Tommy Turtle really do three hundred: "Major-Gereral"?
He though he ought, but then thought not; a passing thought ephemeral
It's hard to take each one and make unshakably quite memoral
His mind too active? Not attractive. Just a concept chimeral

Vocabulary great: John Barry: Jay's "I Put A Spell On You"
Admiring fan did what he can: TT's I'd Not Do Well v. You""
I wouldn't wager: "Gen'ral, Major", that "I Put My Shell On You"

[pause, then continue, speaking]
Too hard a song to riff so many? .... Got it!

[resume singing]
They'd not be good; T. never would foist such, his clientele, on you

There's many reasons why, not pleasin': some, perhaps, political
It's also true, as well know you, he tends toward hypercritical
Earns readers' wrath with write of math, so anal-analytical

His footnotes: strong on facts, but long; he thinks he's "on a roll" and "hot"
But reading them: cause bleeding, phlegm; does this guy have a soul, or what?
His rant and rage 'cross lengthy page makes readers have to scroll a lot
Though wit is droll, it takes its toll; should drop him in a hole to rot.

In short, though writes bodaciously, it's sad it's so loquaciously
His comments: writ not graciously; they take up too much space, you see?

His fav'rite tactic: be didactic; masses, hopes to educate
Hey, Tommy T., it's *parody*, not classes; laughs, should deducate
Why can't you see? -- To us, what thee posts: thought of more as exudate
Much too myopic; choose your topic carefully, ere predicate   [1]

Though he'll contribute well-earned tribute, most jokes: mostly juvenile
Post potty humor? Baby "boomer": feting farts is puerile   [PR...]
He thinks he's clever? Hardly, ever! Dude is deep in true denial   [..PR.]

[pause, then continue, speaking]
Not nearly so intellectual as he thinks he is? ... Got it!

[resume singing]
Cad! Cunning creep is car'pace-deep in nooky, spooky, kooky style

He flexes lex to write of sex, until perplex: his readership
Shows no respects; subjects subjects to lewd effects; his seed: her, slip
'Spite mind complex, so rare, reflects; rejects expected leadership

So often choose to write of ewes that G & S, in grave, would spin
Has too much nerve; his fans deserve true gen-i-us, and crave good spin
If used brain wave, and not brain, waive, all readers: rant and rave; should spin
If he'd behave and not deprave, he surely could engrave good spin

In short, for "Penzance": penance; nor should parody the "Pinafore"
As well as we know Tommy T., he'd go where no man'd beenafore

"We must stay calm when Unabomber 'Vietnams' with Ones, your song"
For Agent Orange, opens: door hinge; drops napalm by tons: your song   [2]
With brain so feeble, stupid dweeb'll say that all your puns are wrong
But Tommy took him; couldn't brook him; schnook: one look, then runs along   [3]

Although that guy's despicable, song might not be re-plic-able
T''s notions: germinate from sperm? Completely inexplicable
He'd best play safe, or find he'll chafe: quagmire, inextricable

[pause, then continue, speaking]
Not get locked into elite Major-General parodies? ... Got it!

[resume singing]
He'd rather write stuff sexy, trite; like mammaries   most   lickable

It's prob'ly better: keep him fettered; disallow: insult OS
And not get sassy, turning classy song into "adult-ish" mess
The crowd not "wowed"; the throng not thrilled; the fans not filled: exultishness

Three hundred "Pirate..."? Readers irate; too much for the turtle-mind
Too great a task to even ask of one of such a fertile mind
Should be resigned, and not inclined, or he'll too high a hurdle, find
It's one back-breaking undertaking. ('Haps could wake and spur dull mind?)

In short, abort; the song's too long; be awf'lly hard to spin 'em all
Perhaps rhymes new; at times, a few; you certainly can't win 'em all

[A reader approaches and asks:]
Could you maybe do three hundred "American Pies"?

[The Turtle replies:]
Maestro! Press the apple pie dough; slit through, 'k?

[repeat 3rd verse, about the Unabomber,
at a speed even faster than the original tempo,
and without the pause or spoken part.]




[PR] Pacing and rhyming notes: "puerile" has several accepted pronunciations. If you look through enough dictionaries, you'll find one that lists "pyoo-uh-rahyl" (last syllable as in "mile/smile", etc.), thus keeping three syllables and rhyming "juvenile", as per yesterday's discussion of TOS rhyme scheme.

Can also find one that includes *two* syllables for "denial" (same "mile/smile"), so that "true denial" rhymes with the rest.


[1] "predicate" (with a long "a", thus rhyming) - "to base something on"

[2] Ha! Who ever said that there is no rhyme for "orange"? (bows graciously)

[3] Four looks, actually. As of this writing, the Unabomber parody has been Unabombed four times. ... Ahh, smell the irony!