I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor
I'm fornicator, tyrant and a warlord and a conqueror
I'm crazy as a cuckoo and a spendthrift and a squanderer
and everybody's telling I am a sexual adventurer
I have more of conspiracies in my primary family
than in the Senate, I fear them more than any foreign enemy
My mother wants to kill me, my son's plotting against me balmily
My uncle wants to slay me and my aunt to stab me nastily

My granny is a poisoner and my daughter wants my balls -
It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all

It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all
It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all
It's better if I'll impound them and crucify them all

I am very good arranging games at the Circus Maximus
I watch the racing chariots and I am quite magnanimous
as when the gladiators fight, I might just act as temperer -
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

All: as when the gladiators fight, I might just act as temperer -
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

I rule all Rome with iron fist, with legions and Pretorians
I persecute the foreign cults, both Semitic and Arians
I repeat in secrecy all crimes of Heliogabalus,
and stories of my lechery are not at all hyperbolous
I'll crucify the Druids and Jews and all those dreadful Christee-ans
I let the lions tear apart them just like common criminals
I love the Amphitheatre and ludi and the munera -
If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral

If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral
If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral
If my favourite gladiator dies, I'll arrange him a funeral

If I have problems in the town, I'll go war with the Barbarians
Or maybe set up civil war or declare one to the Persee-ans
In short, in matters bellicose, I am quite a conqueror
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

In short, in matters bellicose, I am quite a conqueror
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor

In fact, I know what is meant by "velite" and "legionarius",
And I can tell at sight a plumbata from a gladius,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern cavalry,
When I know more of tactics than just human wave or gallantry
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.

You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Roman Emperor has never sat a gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters lechery and sexual adventurer
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor
But still, in matters lechery and sexual adventurer
I am the very model of an Ancient Roman Emperor