When I was a dad I had a kid
I did what ev'ry decent father did
I changed the diapers and wiped the spit
And took her the zoo for just the fun of it
(He took her to see rhinos for the fun of it)
I took her to amusements so joyfully
And now she is a teenager that hates old me

(He took her to amusements so faithfully
And now she is a teenager who hates old he)

In pre-school I read "Green Eggs and Ham"
And she laughed and she cried for poor Sam-I-Am
I said her words, with a slight lisp there
And she was a little charmer with that reddish hair
(She was a little charmer with that big red hair)
I taught her all the letters starting A B C
And now that little teenager just don't like me

(She learned all of her letters like F, U, and C
And now that little teenager just don't like he)

In fighting mom in the courtroom game
Was a singlish dad that I soon became
I worked long hours and I paid the court
And I sent every penny of my child support
(He bled every penny of that kid support
And the E-mails that I got from she
Said "Hi Dad, thanks for all the clothes money"

(The letters that he got from she
Said send a lot of money but just don't call me)

And now I am quite old and gray
I got the news she's in a fam'ly way
She was so happy when she brought the world
The cutest little darling of a baby girl
I laughed and laughed till I was green
I hoped I lived enough to see that teen

(He laughed till he was blue and green
He hopes she'll cause more misery than his own teen)