I am the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid
Though this situation is making me almost annoyed
I started as the service droid aboard a ship called Nova 5
It crashed, and eventually I realised the crew were no longer alive

Mister Lister taught me to rebel, and even his space bike he lent
I crashed that too, and was rebuilt, but with a rather different accent
I've met many new life-forms since coming aboard the Red Dwarf
Like gelfs and psirens, felis sapiens and the polymorph

Crew: Like gelfs and psirens, felis sapiens and the polymorph
Like gelfs and psirens, felis sapiens and the polymorph
Like gelfs and psirens, felis sapiens and the poly-polymorph

Thanks to Mister Lister, I've now mastered several emotions
But my attempt at ambivalence looks like a dog with strange jaw motions
In short, this situation is making me almost annoyed
I am the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid

Crew: In short, this situation is making him almost annoyed
He is the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid

I know the difference between a time hole and a space mirage
I can even park Starbug just like it was in a garage
I quote the Space Corps directives with unerring accuracy
To the annoyance of Mister Rimmer, who really is a "smee-heeee'!

I can create a time portal from developing fluid and filmstrip
I know the human value commonly known as "friendship'
It's my belief in Silicon Heaven that lets me serve my masters so
Of course it's real, or else where would all the calculators go?

Crew: Of course it's real, or else where would all the calculators go?
Of course it's real, or else where would all the calculators go?
Of course it's real, or else where would all the calcu-calculators go?

Then I can do the washing and hammer Mister Lister's underpants
And tell you ev'ry detail of his ev'ry attempt at romance
In short, this situation is making me almost annoyed
I am the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid

Crew: In short, this situation is making him almost annoyed
He is the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid

In fact, when I have felt the sting of losing my one love, Camille
When despair squids make it difficult to determine what's real
When such affairs as backwards worlds and white holes are over and done
And when I'm voted by my spare heads as "the big-eared ugly one'

When I'm afraid of Miss Kochanski stealing away Mister Lister
When certain members of the crew want brown ketchup with their lobster
In short, with what I've dealt with since coming here from Nova 5
You'll say a better mechanoid has never blown his nega-drive

Crew: You'll say a better mechanoid has never blown his nega-drive
You'll say a better mechanoid has never blown his nega-drive
You'll say a better mechanoid has never blown his nega-nega-drive

For even though Mister Lister says I've grown beyond a joke
The Red Dwarf prison system can't even classify me as a bloke
But still, this situation has me getting almost annoyed
I am the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid

Crew: But still, this situation has him getting almost annoyed
He is the very model of a Series 4000 mechanoid