Man, nobody told me about the problems with lawns I now see
They could've killed the misplaced confidence that I'd gained from watchin' dumb TV
I've got flowers that might die, that's far from fine
But the main issue that's weighin' on my mind

Is that I'm such an awful hedge trimmer
In such a bad state, tempted to stop
But I'd hate to take the quick way just because my work's a mighty big-ass flop
'Cause I've never been really scared of commitment
I'll see things through 'til my hands are bone
So I'm gonna keep a-trimmin', just little bits of snippin', not mad chops

No, I'm not crazy, I know the limits of my skills
Never tried to restyle these bushes into shapes, so chill
With all the "Hey, man, don't give up on your craft"s, ain't true now
I'm not that mad now

I'm just a super-awful hedge trimmer
Even a square shape, I can't get done
Just a big rectangle that's made out of plants is somethin' that's beyond me, sucks
Want to master that way before I can wrestle
With any topiaries, you know
Just ignore that mound of twigs 'n' leaves, that's from somethin' diff'rent less messed up

Know how to shave, my neck has not a scratch
Shown you all my fancy arts 'n' crafts
But somehow I'm still failin' at any floral shavin'
Should prob'bly give it up and get a fence
There's no HOA to take offence
That my house ain't the same as the rest, I just couldn't take that

But the fact I'm an awful hedge trimmer
Still haunts me, I'd hate to let it drop
Though it might give me a migraine, a big quitter's what I won't be, I won't stop
Shouldn't be so damn hard to keep this thing level
You'd think a ruler would help but no
Sloppy mess, no, I won't settle for that, let's put the petal down and cut