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Song Parodies -> "Have Cause? Will Riot"

Original Song Title:

"Have Gun Will Travel (Ballad of Paladin)"

Original Performer:

Johnny Western

Parody Song Title:

"Have Cause? Will Riot"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

Demonstrate, agitate where you may roam
Instigate, mutilate, far from your home

"Have Cause? Will Riot" reads the blog of a man
A paid agitator, a divided land
His fists are for hire, he's itching to fight
A soldier of Soros and his foe is--the Alt-Right

Reprobate, detonate, starting a fire
Aggravate, escalate, earning your hire

He travels in style wherever he's paid
The cops dare not stop him, they are all afraid
These are fake news stories, so the leftists tell
But the man with no scruples is the man who---is for sale

Violate, perpetrate, fortune aspire
Abdicate? Oops, too late! Crushed 'neath a tire

Far from home. Far from home,

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.1
Overall Rating: 3.1

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   7
 7
 7
 
 2   1
 1
 1
 
 3   2
 2
 2
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   8
 8
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ben Turpin - August 22, 2017 - Report this comment
You want to invalidate anti-Nazi protesters? No dice! "Crushed 'neath a tire." Very funny!
Patrick - August 22, 2017 - Report this comment
The people who came to Charlottesville were not anti-Nazi protesters, they were a hired, armed mob who came to fight. By all credible accounts I have read, the Antifa or whatever they are called were the ones who initiated the violence. Not that the Nazis and KKK weren't hoping to engage in some bloodletting, too. Such matters as free speech and private or public property are forced to yield to threats of vandalism and assault.
Ben Turpin - August 22, 2017 - Report this comment
If it's not too much trouble, Patrick, please supply the objective source(s) for your claim that what I call "anti-Nazi protesters" were hired and that they initiated the violence. Keep in mind that violence begins with fighting words like "Jews will not replace us" and the Nazi German chant of "blood and soil."
Whoa there Ben - August 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Ben can't face the facts. He's a liberal apologist for the Alt-Left. CNN footage shows the Alt-Left rushing towards the Alt-Right, clubs raised. They started it and got their azzs kicked as usual. Stop blaming the Right. Sure, there are some Nazis and KKK, but also peaceful Trump supporters and Second Amendment supporters too... or did you miss that too Ben? It's on the CNN footage. Best take in all the footage, not just what's convenient for your warped cause. What started out as a defense of a Confederate statue turned violent when the Alt-Left showed up looking for a fight. They got it.
Ben Turpin - August 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Ochinchin daisuke!
Ben Turpin - August 22, 2017 - Report this comment
In his comment, Patrick wrote "By all credible accounts I have READ [caps mine], the Antifa or whatever they are called were the ones who initiated the violence." All I have asked for are citations for what he has read. So far, no answer, except somebody's hysterical condemnation of me as an apologist for Alt-Left. What the hell is Alt-Left, anyway? Just provide us with the sources for what you read, Patrick. I don't need references to smart phone footage or some nonsense in Japanese from the house cretin.
Roll out the excuses - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
I went to a Honk If You Love Peace & Quiet Rally the other night. I made sure to trim my car horn, install some megaphones and attach an air raid siren first. So did all of my virtue signaling friends. God Bless Peace & Quiet. Honk! Honk! HONK!
Ben Turpin - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
I wipe my ass with facts. Also, ochinchin daisuke!
Ben Turpin - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Patrick, you still haven't provided the sources for the "credible accounts" you have read. Therefore, I rate your parody a fraud. Same goes for the knee-jerk, fulminating fools who attacked me and usurped my name.
Ben Turpin - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
And I said it's a fraud because it goes against my beliefs.
Patrick - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
The Charlottesville city council initially denied a permit to the Nazis and KKK. Common sense says that when these people show up, there will be trouble. The ACLU raised its ugly head and forced the granting of the permit. Three people are dead. I consider this a credible source: https://www.lewrockwell.com/2017/08/jack-kerwick/fact-vs-fiction/. It also seems to fit the pattern seen at other violent outbreaks, such as Ferguson, Missouri. By the way, which "Ben Turpin"'s are real and which are usurpations?
Patrick - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Another commentator whom I respect. https://www.lewrockwell.com/2017/08/walter-e-williams/charlottesville-donnybrook/
Patrick - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
An interesting viewpoint. The FBI was doing this sort of thing back during the anti-war rallies in the 1960's: https://www.lewrockwell.com/2017/08/phil-giraldi/charlottesville-requiem/
Claude Prez - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Walter Williams is awesome. That is all.
Ben Turpin - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Thank you for the links. I have now read several articles by Jack Kerwick. His writings are motivated largely by his mission to tell the (unbalanced) "truth" about the "myth of white supremacy"; "Blackism," as exemplified by Obama; Black privilege; slavery; etc. "Slavery" comes from "Slav," you see, an ethnic group which was once enslaved. Etc., etc. Slavery? Everybody did it to everybody else, irrespective of race. So what's the fuss? Be cool! http://4freedoms.com/group/slaves/forum/topics/inconvenient-truths-about-race-slavery-by-jack-kerwick-at-frontpa This isn't very helpful when the urgent American discussion is about our legacy of Black enslavement. But not a word about that. Kerwick's scholarly diversions, while probably accurate, amount to "whitewashing." Accordingly, I am suspicious of Kerwick's all-important slant and emphasis, and I reject him as a credible source, as I do lewrockwell.com. I promise to read your other references.
Regarding who is the real Ben Turpin and who is the usurper, you gotta be kidding.
Ben Turpin - August 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Patrick, you write "The ACLU raised its ugly head..." I guess that in forcing Charlottesville to grant a permit for the Nazis, they weren't so ugly, after all. That wasn't the first time. In 1978, the ACLU took a controversial stand for free speech by defending a neo-Nazi group that wanted to march through the Chicago suburb of Skokie , where many Holocaust survivors lived. The notoriety of the case caused some ACLU members to resign, but to many others the case has come to represent the ACLU's unwavering commitment to principle. In fact, many of the laws the ACLU cited to defend the group's right to free speech and assembly were the same laws it had invoked during the Civil Rights era, when Southern cities tried to shut down civil rights marches with similar claims about the violence and disruption the protests would cause.
Patrick - August 24, 2017 - Report this comment
In this case the city council was correct in predicting violence if the KKK showed up. In 1978 the Nazis in Skokie were not subject to physical assault. Today there is a largely unrestrained army of paid agitators who come equipped with teargas, knives, clubs and even jars of urine to attack anyone whose political message they disagree with, as well as the police who try to keep innocent bystanders out of the crossfire. Being America, it is only a matter of time before both sides, or three if you count the police, begin using guns. The whole thing is reminiscent of Weimar Germany where disgruntled war veterans, Socialists, Communists and other political groups fought in the streets with escalating degrees of weaponry until the public demanded--and got--a "stable" law and order regime. We all know how well that worked out. I wonder if the ACLU is going to pay Charlottesville for police overtime. Will they pay any form of compensation for the woman who was struck by the car or to the families of the Highway Patrol officers who died in the helicopter crash. The only commitment the ACLU has is to support the "rights" of those who don't respect the rights of others and to impose uncompensated costs on institutions and communities, in effect forcing them to subsidize the very people who come to disrupt and destroy.
Patrick - August 24, 2017 - Report this comment
I assume you are not the Ben Turpin who curses in Japanese?
Patrick - August 24, 2017 - Report this comment
Great article, explains a lot about the left: http://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2017/08/the_left_arms_up_john_brown_clubs.html
Ben Turpin - August 24, 2017 - Report this comment
Yes, I am the real Ben Turpin, and I try not to curse in any language.
First, I have searched the Internet unsuccessfully for proof that Antifa members are paid to be offensively violent. Again, I must impose upon you for a credible source.
Second, the ACLU is committed to the well-known proposition "I disapprove of what you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it." Everybody should be committed to that as a First Amendment obligation, including local communities and their police departments. It is one of the toughest disciplines an American has to swallow, but even racist speech is protected under the Constitution. At times, this increases the cost of law enforcement. It comes with the territory. That's the deal, Patrick. It's American Civics 101. The non-profit ACLU does not and should not pay governments the costs they incur in their sworn duty of enforcing the protection of the most objectionable people's civil rights.
Patrick - August 24, 2017 - Report this comment
Unfortunately, there are also people who will fight to your death to protest what you have to say. Freedom of speech is not a guarantee of an audience at someone else's expense. The KKK were not in Charlottesville to engage in peaceful protest. They were there to start a fight. Antifa was there for the same purpose. I once talked to an ACLU lawyer on a radio show about their efforts to force a cable access TV station to accept a KKK program. I asked who would be liable if the Klan broadcast started a fight. He told me the station would be liable. That is not right. A friend of mine worked for a radio station, one of whose announcers made disparaging remarks about the Klan. The announcer was attacked at work and beaten. The blood was still visible in the carpet. There is a difference between protest and crime. I have had death threats over song parodies that I have written. I wouldn't be that hard to find. I have no problem with vociferous criticism of my writing. That is part of the fun. But I don't want some moron tracking me down and shooting at me. Ammo costs too much these days.
Ben Turpin - August 24, 2017 - Report this comment
In granting a permit to the scum of the Earth to assemble for protesting the removal of the Lee statue, the prospect of violence could not be Constitutionally anticipated and used as an excuse for denying free speech or cutting off the mic or disallowing an audience. The only responsible governmental thing to do in these events is to ramp up police presence in all its forms. If this were not so, I would have missed the fascinating Commie speeches of my youth in Union Square Park and the Democratic National Convention of 1968 would have been banned. A hush would fall over the land as judges forbade all free assembly on the grounds that people + controversy = violence, always. And if you don't agree with me, I'll just have to buy a gun from you and shoot you dead!
Roll out the excuses - August 25, 2017 - Report this comment
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIBw7PgWAAM-e1A.jpg
Interpreter - August 25, 2017 - Report this comment
Handy Guide to Understanding Comments Section
Comment is just a link: Commenter is illiterate.
Patrick - August 25, 2017 - Report this comment
Revolver or automatic? Registered or unregistered?
Ben Turpin - August 25, 2017 - Report this comment
It doesn't matter to me, but it should matter to you. I will pay twice the listed price if you promise to donate the overpayment to the ACLU.
Patrick - August 25, 2017 - Report this comment
Maybe one I worked on myself. I've put more guns out of service than Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer combined. By the way, organized or semi-organized opposition to the Klan is nothing new: http://mentalfloss.com/article/503749/day-notre-dame-students-pummeled-ku-klux-klan . The story I always heard was that the President of the University stood before a student assembly and said that he didn't want to see any students going downtown to confront the Klan. At that point he turned his back to the audience. The ACLU is selective about which amendments it defends. Number Two is not one of its favorites. By the way, thousands of people don't just spontaneously show up in a town, armed and itching to hurt someone without some sort of organization. Such a mob can always outnumber the local police. Short of a Kent State style massacre, the police are pretty much limited in what they can accomplish. The moment that happens, all rules are off. By the way, all the Confederate monuments are being taken down, not because of a sudden realization that slavery was wrong, but out of fear of mob violence. This is a very bad precedent.
Ben Turpin - August 25, 2017 - Report this comment
Local police not enough? Call in the National Guard. They're not enough? The Bonus Army looks menacing? Get Gen. MacArthur to lead infantry, cavalry and tanks against them. Still not enough? I know somebody who will gladly drop a 300 Kt nuke on commie protesters. Or, even more terrifying, his 3 kilo parodies.
Patrick - August 26, 2017 - Report this comment
Did you know that the Bonus Army was the subject of satire? In 1936 a group of students at Princeton University saw that the veterans of WWI were trying to claim early payment of their promised bonus. (President Franklin Roosevelt borrowed the money to pay it--at 25% interest!). The students decided that since war was imminent in Europe and some would not live to collect their due, they formed the Veterans of Future Wars and published a book, "Patriotism Prepaid" setting forth their case for collecting their pension in advance. There were satellite organizations including "Gold Star Mothers of Future Wars", "Chaplains of Future Wars", "Propagandists of Future Wars" and even a Wall Street chapter of "The Profiteers of Future Wars". It was more or less a college prank that faded out in a few months, but of the nine original members, one was crippled in a car accident, the other eight all served in the Armed Forces in WWII, and, presumably, collected their benefits under the G.I. Bill. Yesterday a 1958 monument on Ward Parkway in Kansas City, Missouri, belonging to the Daughters of the Confederacy, was removed after vandals spray-painted it with the Communist Hammer and Sickle. (Not the usual backward swastika). A victory for mob rule. This part of town was the site of the Battle of Westport and there are numerous markers in the area describing key locations and actions of the largest Civil War battle west of the Mississippi.
Ben Turpin - August 26, 2017 - Report this comment
There will always be insensitive Princeton twits and vandals from all over the political spectrum. Native Americans want the statue of Columbus removed from Columbus Circle in New York. The boys in the shark skin suits down at Umberto's Clam House are, shall we say, disappointed. This is all besides the point of the thread.

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