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Song Parodies -> "The Card that Swipes Forever"
Original Song Title:
"The Stars and Stripes Forever"
Original Performer:
John Philip Sousa
Parody Song Title:
"The Card that Swipes Forever"
Parody Written by:
The Comedian
The Lyrics
Click here to listen to a free MP3 of The United States Air Force Band playing John Philip Sousa's march, "The Stars and Stripes Forever". Sousa composed "The Stars and Stripes Forever" on Christmas Day, 1896.
Dreamed,
He,
Was marching,
On In-de-pen-dence Day!
He
Led the band
And in his hand
His drummin'-major staff was spinning and flying!
Right
Be-hind
Old Glor-y
He was
Leading 'em up-on that day!
Up!
And down!
He swung that staff
A-round
(Up-and-down-around! BOOM! Up-and-down-around!)
Up!
And down!
He swung that staff
A-round
(Up-and-down-around, hey!)
And
Then
He found
Up-on
The ground
A red-and-white-and-blue odd cig'rette-lighter
Dropped
It in
His pock-et
Thinking "Shouldn't throw this thing a-way..."
On-a'w'rd
He led the band
A-head
(Led the band a-head! BOOM! Led the band a-head!)
On-a'w'rd
He led the band
A-head
(Led the band a-head, hey!)
Then, at home,
While alone,
He looked a-gain,
At the light-er, he found, that morn-ing
Gave a flick
To the Bic
That did
The trick --
-- and what happened next surprised him with-out warn-ing!
Where the flame
Should come through,
Red, white, and blue
smoke popped-up like, bread from, a toast-er,
And there with a SHA-ZAM stood Uncle Sam,
Looking like he did up-on that fa-mous post-er!
"Two wish-es I give you for free,"
Said the stern pa-tri-arch of our na-tion!
The man said,
"Why not make it three?
I'm in debt, and, I'm quite need-y!"
Old Unc-le Sam frowned angrily
Then he leaned over, shook his finger, and, said --
"Your slave Uncle Sam will not be,
I think that two's enough for you -- now don't be greed-y!"
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey,
give me
mon-ey," the man said!
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey,
give me
mon-ey," the man said!
"Are you really SURE that IS what you want,"
Uncle Sam said, raising eyebrows
"Are you really SURE that IS what you want,"
Uncle Sam said, raising eyebrows
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Yes I really am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am!"
SHA-ZAM!
A ma-gic de-bit card ap-peared!
'Twas a card
the man could
swipe for-ev-er!
He swiped it for years and for years,
'Til the rich-est man was he!
He gained all that mon-ey could buy,
And his wealth grew be-yond the wild-est meas-ure!
But pain brought him tears and he cried,
When lone-li-ness became the price for all his pleas-ure!
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey's
not where
hap-pi-ness comes from!"
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey's
all I
have and I'm a bum!"
"How I wish I had my old life back now,"
cried the man to Uncle Sammy
"How I wish I had my old life back now,"
cried the man to Uncle Sammy
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Yes I really am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am!"
SHA-ZAM!
And then
The man woke
From his dream!
To a life he now val-ued much bet-ter!
A new
Point of view
Did he glean --
-- love and friendship's all he needs!
This sto-ry is now at its end
And its mor-al is really not so clev-er
The state of your soul is, my friend,
The only card,
The only card,
You'll swipe for-ev-er!
He,
Was marching,
On In-de-pen-dence Day!
He
Led the band
And in his hand
His drummin'-major staff was spinning and flying!
Right
Be-hind
Old Glor-y
He was
Leading 'em up-on that day!
Up!
And down!
He swung that staff
A-round
(Up-and-down-around! BOOM! Up-and-down-around!)
Up!
And down!
He swung that staff
A-round
(Up-and-down-around, hey!)
And
Then
He found
Up-on
The ground
A red-and-white-and-blue odd cig'rette-lighter
Dropped
It in
His pock-et
Thinking "Shouldn't throw this thing a-way..."
On-a'w'rd
He led the band
A-head
(Led the band a-head! BOOM! Led the band a-head!)
On-a'w'rd
He led the band
A-head
(Led the band a-head, hey!)
Then, at home,
While alone,
He looked a-gain,
At the light-er, he found, that morn-ing
Gave a flick
To the Bic
That did
The trick --
-- and what happened next surprised him with-out warn-ing!
Where the flame
Should come through,
Red, white, and blue
smoke popped-up like, bread from, a toast-er,
And there with a SHA-ZAM stood Uncle Sam,
Looking like he did up-on that fa-mous post-er!
"Two wish-es I give you for free,"
Said the stern pa-tri-arch of our na-tion!
The man said,
"Why not make it three?
I'm in debt, and, I'm quite need-y!"
Old Unc-le Sam frowned angrily
Then he leaned over, shook his finger, and, said --
"Your slave Uncle Sam will not be,
I think that two's enough for you -- now don't be greed-y!"
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey,
give me
mon-ey," the man said!
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey,
give me
mon-ey," the man said!
"Are you really SURE that IS what you want,"
Uncle Sam said, raising eyebrows
"Are you really SURE that IS what you want,"
Uncle Sam said, raising eyebrows
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Yes I really am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am!"
SHA-ZAM!
A ma-gic de-bit card ap-peared!
'Twas a card
the man could
swipe for-ev-er!
He swiped it for years and for years,
'Til the rich-est man was he!
He gained all that mon-ey could buy,
And his wealth grew be-yond the wild-est meas-ure!
But pain brought him tears and he cried,
When lone-li-ness became the price for all his pleas-ure!
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey's
not where
hap-pi-ness comes from!"
"Money money
money money
money money
mon--ey's
all I
have and I'm a bum!"
"How I wish I had my old life back now,"
cried the man to Uncle Sammy
"How I wish I had my old life back now,"
cried the man to Uncle Sammy
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Are you really sure that is what you want?"
"Yes I really am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am,
I am!"
SHA-ZAM!
And then
The man woke
From his dream!
To a life he now val-ued much bet-ter!
A new
Point of view
Did he glean --
-- love and friendship's all he needs!
This sto-ry is now at its end
And its mor-al is really not so clev-er
The state of your soul is, my friend,
The only card,
The only card,
You'll swipe for-ev-er!
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Voting Breakdown
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| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
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| 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 9 | 8 | 8 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
i'd love to see a marching band going down the street singing this. ...lol...5s
Thanks very much, Alvin.
A tad late for the 4th, but still timely. Uncle Sam only gives two wishes, huh? I guess that's in keeping with his tax rules. Three 5's, or is it only 2?
There's a lesson here for all of us. Brilliantly written...555
Great story, great moral, great parody..fives
What everyone else said.
Excellent Johnny D.
Considering that almost nobody knows the words to the song, this was really impressive.
Thanks Tim, Rick C, AFW, JB, Red Ant, and Michael.
Johnny, you've got e-mail from me.
that's ahuge effort, JD - I'm not full bottle on all the US references, so I'll just go along with everyone else and give it 5s
Very good message and parody. I liked the way you telegraphed part of the plot in your first word.
Thanks Adagio, Stuart, and John.
I really enjoyed this!! I thought it was a good idea to transmit a moral. 55555 (if Uncle Sam will allow it)
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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