(Spoken)
These are the times that fry men’s brains. For nearly half a century, a belief has been perpetuated that the assassination of President John F. Kennedy was the result of a huge conspiracy by the FBI, the CIA, the KGB, Fidel Castro, Cuban exiles, the Ku Klux Klan, the Mafia, Lyndon B. Johnson and Richard M. Nixon. At the same time, this conspiracy has managed to elevate the actual perpetrator to a victim, a patsy and a folk hero. Citizens, hear me out: GET A GRIP!!!

(Sung)
Let me tell you all the story of a man named Oswald
On a tragic and fateful day.
He put bullets in his rifle and he went down to Dallas
Just to kill... JFK!
But was he acting alone?
Oh, he acted alone,
As the facts have always shown. (He owned a rifle.)
Folks will claim forever he was just a patsy,
He’s the man who acted alone.

Oswald hitched a ride to work with his landlady’s neighbor,
Brought a long package 'neath his arm.
"Oh, it’s just curtain rods," he said when the neighbor asked him,
"No, there's no reason for alarm."
But was he acting alone?
Oh, he acted alone,
As the facts have always shown. (What was that package?)
Folks will claim forever he was just a patsy,
He’s the man who acted alone.

Oswald stayed behind alone in the sixth floor of the warehouse
While the others watched the motorcade.
And forever folks will argue 'bout the number of shots
And the direction that the brains got sprayed.
But was he acting alone?
Oh, he acted alone,
As the facts have always shown. (The bullets matched up.)
Folks will claim forever he was just a patsy,
He’s the man who acted alone.

Oswald slipped away from work and they found him in a theater
And they threw him in the Dallas Jail.
Then they found his pictures with a rifle and revolver
That he'd ordered through the US Mail.
But was he acting alone?
Oh, he acted alone,
As the facts have always shown. (Why was he running?)
Folks will claim forever he was just a patsy,
He’s the man who acted alone.

Now all night long, Oswald cried: "It's a setup!
I'm a patsy! It's all a frame!"
But for all his protestations, he got what he wished: Lee
Harvey Oswald was a famous name!
But was he acting alone?
Oh, he acted alone,
As the facts have always shown. (The whole world watched him!)
Folks will claim forever he was just a patsy,
He’s the man who acted alone.

Oswald smirked before the crowd like some kind of hero
'Til a shot rang out and ripped his guts.
And as he died, he learned he was not so unique:
The world is full of homicidal nuts!
But was he acting alone?
Oh, he acted alone,
As the facts have always shown. (What a country!)
Folks will claim forever he was just a patsy,
He’s the man who acted alone.