When trying to explain oneself for cheating on their girl
You could be anxious enough that you’d almost need to hurl
There is another option that can help you out I bet,
You call them up, they send you straight to New York in a jet

Cheating lovers, teenage mothers, transvestites aplenty
Not sure who the father is? Just, DNA test twenty.
Lie detector test you failed, there’s no need to say sorry!
Reveal all your dirty laundry, have a chat with Maury!

[I wanna be on cheesy TV, yes I!]
[I wanna be on cheesy TV, yes I!]

Remember that old girlfriend who was easy as could be
You hit her, then you quit her, weren’t no problems you could see
Your days are as free as could be, but soon you will be sad
She’ll call your phone when your at home, and tell you you’re the dad

Oh!
Paternity tests you’re taking, think you’re not the daddy
Walk on stage, the crowd will hate, they’ll boo like you’re the baddie
Edited! Producers played you like you’re an Atari!
You’re the father, meet your daughter, ratings soar for Maury!

[I didn’t get her pregnant, it wasn’t I!]
[I didn’t get her pregnant, it wasn’t I!]
[I didn’t get her pregnant, it wasn’t I!]
[I didn’t get her pregnant, it wasn’t I!]

You are faithful, kind, and caring, not much you can do.
If you’re a cheater woman beater, there’s a show for you!
Just sit down for a bit, pretend to learn from your mistakes
You’ll get a free vacation, doesn’t matter if you fake!

Oh!
Super re-pet-it-ive-ness, most shows, the same, exactly.
Men in drag, and sluts and slags, and bad news for their family.
If you go right on the show, there is no pride or glory,
But you’ll get to see New York, and get yelled at by Maury!

[I never knew my girlfriend was born a guy!]
[I never knew my girlfriend was born a guy!]
[I never knew my girlfriend was born a guy!]
[I never knew my girlfriend was born a guy!]

[Spoken]
Of course you can humiliate yourself, just call their phone number!
It may seem tricky, but its super simple!

So when a hooker has your husband giving her some pay
Don’t call him out, don’t scream, don’t shout, just call Maury today!
They’ll set you up with airfare, you get see the sights, as well.
And when you both are on the stage, that’s when you give him hell!


Y-O-U-R, D-I-G-N-I-T-Y, G-O-N-E
N-O, S-E-L-F, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, E-I-T-H-E-R

Y-O-U-R, D-I-G-N-I-T-Y, G-O-N-E
N-O, S-E-L-F, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, E-I-T-H-E-R

Y-O-U-R, D-I-G-N-I-T-Y, G-O-N-E
N-O, S-E-L-F, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, E-I-T-H-E-R

Y-O-U-R, D-I-G-N-I-T-Y, G-O-N-E
N-O, S-E-L-F, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, E-I-T-H-E-R

Here we go!

Crazy, rotten, hateful children, spend the day at prison!
Strange and wacky phobias, like mustard, nuts, and chicken!
You will end up feeling like you’re watching a safari!
Stories strange, the guests, deranged, but more money for Maury!

Maury will be very rich, and--
TV shows are like his hos, a cable pimp is Maury!
Making dough off other’s woes, what a rich man, oh Maury!