As a standard fantasy-type king, I'm in need of advice
But when it comes to the advisor role, it seems that there's two types
Either it's Lord Evil McNasty, who has steal-the-crown designs
Or it's my best mate who's a dumbass but man, he tries
In both of those cases, I go for opposite of all they say
Sure, there might be times where they have a point but either way, I'll stay
Upon my toes to catch whatever nonsense that they send my way
And today they've done it but there's shock upon my face

Seems there was a plot but it's the treason of the twit
Man, I really think this should be what I expected
But it's all my fault, I thought that I could split the diff'rence
Have both do the job, double the advice I'm given
Then I'd compare and contrast what not to do
You might think me dumb but I would refuse
Because it worked grand until the big goof
Surprised me but that's not really a threat, true

Know I should be more upset but all that I can do is laugh
'Cause I'm not really at his mercy since he's kinda done this bad
Yes, I can tell what he's messed up though I was shocked by the trap
Not been king forever but I know my power grabs

So I can write off this as the treason of a twit
'Cause I can see all of the guards aren't with his mission
Pointin' all their swords and spears and all their other weapons
Which they're showin' off that they still work well for shivvin'
Hence why I call my mate dumb, clear that it's true
'Cause I'd make sure that my side's a big crew
And not just my ass with a sharpened spoon
Don't try and say that it's magic, that ain't true

Oh, you know that ain't true
It ain't a magic spoon
I can cast spells, more than a few, one's "detect shit"

Man, I wish this was more than the treason of a twit
'Cause I'd like a challenge for crown defense, not this shit
No, it's sad as balls like you had just planned on the big twist
Be too gripped by shock to show any damn resistance
But I've taken a whole ton of steps, it's true
To try and fend off the type of bad dude
That you'd say "That tracks" to them stabbin' you
So I've saved my ass, just weird that it's you, weird it's you