[intro]

[Son sings this part]
Mother (mother, mother...)
Is Santa Claus really coming
And is he bringin' presents?
Are there reindeer at the Pole?

[Mother sings these 2 verses]
Calm down (calm down, calm down..) now
I see some stockings ,'round
Well light the candle flames
And maybe we'll see Santa's sleigh

Our tree (the tree, the tree..)
We need some decorations for
Tinsle, lights you'll see
It will be beautiful for sure

[son singing]
This tree is lame, you must be kiddin'!
Even Charlie Brown would be embarassed!
Where did you get this at a - yard sale!
(If) it cost 2 bucks then you were overpaying!

A hell..of a job, for a police car!
Decked out in these lights red and blue!
Now you've got me reeling once again!
Green candy canes, and ugly ornaments
That angel looks inbred..!

My..... this is fun,
Christmas undone

[long solo, yelling ensues in the background]

My..... this is fun,
Christmas undone

[mother singing]
Okay (okay, okay...)
Just another ball and
Almost finished NOOoooo!
The tree is leaning in the stand
Now get the duct tape (duct tape, duct tape...)
I do believe it's perfect, but
There are still some green bits that do show
Spray on some more fake snow

[son singing]

It's such a shame, this tree is fugly!
This tacky sh*t, joke of all Virginia!
We have once chance left; set it a-blaze!
We're in-sured!; and our trailer's not worth saving!

[neighbor sings this verse]
Arrives.. the fire squad
But it's now hopeless since
Mom cooked up meth* in her spare time!
She turned to look at her pad gone
The mother who was hooking's haunted wow
That boy was right,
That tree was shite!

And they....were handcuffed,
Christmas was done!

[long outro]