I was tired of my lady,
she always did it so wrong
when she tied me together,
she left the rope way too long,
so I picked up the paper,
looked at a fetishist ad
and in the freak meeting columns
this really jumped at my head

if you like peeing in closets,
sticking pins in your face
if you use whips and leather
and a dungeon's your place
if you like making up at midnight
pulling hairs off with tape
I'm the freak that you've looked for,
write to me and escape

didn't think of my lady,
I know it sounds kinda mean
but me and my old lady
were in a different fetish scene
so I wrote to the paper,
took out a personal ad,
and though I'm nobody's poet,
it made me feel really bad

"yes, I like peeing in closets,
pulling hair and some pain
I'm not much into latex,
but I've tried some mushrooms
I've got to meet you somewhere very soon,
so you can give me a shave
you can hog tie me quickly
and call me some names

so I waited with my ropes
Ilsa walked in the place
knew she liked coffee instant,
knew the snarl on her face
it was my own leathr lady,
and it seemed all a hoot
as she ordered me down there
and she said lick my boots

lets go pee in my closet
I'll pull your hair give you pain
I'm not much into latex,
but I"ll whip you the same
I've got to beat you somewhere very soon,
so you can give me a shave
you can hog tie me quickly
and call me some names