A very common problem, hope it is, anyway
I'd hate to be the one moron who deals with this ev'ry day
The only way I'll admit it is knowin' that my mistake's also yours
You'd think that I'd remember I should keep 'em by my side
And yet it's a constant sad truth that when I go to find
The bastards inside my pockets, I can't say that I'm surprised I'm a joke
All I'm wantin', buddy

Keys, keys, keys, be where I'd like
My keys, keys, keys aren't with me, I fear, now I'm forced to spend way too much time
Findin' the damn things, an absolute bother, wish they were attached with a band made of rubber, ah-ah-oh-oh-oh
Keys, keys, keys (ah-ah-ah)

Don't give me your "fun ideas", mate (uh-huh), ev'ry damn one, I've tried
I've given the key ring some flair and attached some things that are bright (super bright, yikes)
But even fancy LEDs don't mean jack when they're underneath
All my clothin', so smelly (yowza), save me, save me

Keys, keys, keys (keys aren't where I'd like), be where I'd like
My keys, keys, keys must hate me, I fear, would explain how they're lost ev'ry time
I need the damn things (I need the damn things) to drive, check my letters (check all my letters), keep what's in the basement locked up there forever, ah-ah-oh-oh-oh
Keys, keys, keys (ah-ah-ah)

I wish I could just say I'm stupid, no-one expects much of me
But I am aware of what a douche is, won't discount any roommate prank sprees
Keys, keys, keys (keys), keys, keys, keys (keys)
Keys (keys), keys (keys), keys, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah