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Song Parodies -> "Biophthora Spells Doom"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Biophthora Spells Doom"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Biophthora means end of life- all life. People tend to forget nuclear proliferation and the stockpiles of nukes still around. In this age of concerns over global warming and asymmetrical warfare, it seems the West has forgetten all about an all-out nuclear war. Most people falsely believe in limited nuclear war or the old first and second strike nuclear war. If Russia was going to attack the best way to kill the US and the world would be to launch missiles in sequence for a timed attack so that all warheads arrive at every target at the same time, giving no time to respond unless the US launches everything as soon as the Russian launches are spotted. This is TOT (Time On Target). Russia could make that decision easily and has a doomsday device called Perimeter to counter with what is left in inventory after primary and secondary targets are hit. The US and West will almost certainly pause, UK and French nukes only used in retaliatory strikes. Since the old deterrent of MAD no longer applies, the world we live in is far more dangerous than in the Cold War. Someday life might be a matter of survival of days, weeks, months, or a few years- then extinction.
Biophthora spells doom
end of line

Our world’s still prone to use of nukes
Russia lyin’
Iran still tryin’

Small size-can backpack it
Terrorist bound
While H-Bombs still deadly:
Time On Target missiles raining down

[Land, Air, Sea, and Space launches inbound]

Biophthora spells doom
End of line
Outta time

Quite a few
Quite a few
Quite a few
Still in inventory
Add terror scare
With West ill at ease
End of story

[Pre-Emp fury?]

Life will cease
Biophthora spells doom
End of line
(someday-billions deceased?)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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AFW - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob, thanks for cheering me up :)...I guess if Daddy Time don't get me, the Russians will...a little humorous doom is always a good way to start the day...:)
Old Man Ribber - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob - I never thought that the days of The Cold War might have been a Golden Age. It IS much more dangerous today. Fine job. ;D
Rob Arndt - February 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks guys! Been readin' Pat Franks' apocalyptic novels "Alas, Babylon" and now "Forbidden Area." Both are good reads and not outdated even though they were written in the 1950s.
Wendy Christopher - February 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Biophthora is difficult to spell at the best of times, never mind when it spells Doom...;^) A clever if slightly terrifying parody, Rob, well worth a 555. I noticed in the news that Baby Kim-Jong the Eleventy-fifth (or whatever) has been firing off some more nukes just recently. And the trouble is, it's not exactly as if us Westerners can tap him on the shoulder and go "I say old chap, you really can't go having nuclear weapons y'know - I mean, no offence, I appreciate you want to defend your little country and all that, but... well, we're not entirely sure you can be trusted with them..." Might be viewed as slightly hypocritical, under the circumstances...

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