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Song Parodies -> "Moxie is a Strange Brew"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Moxie is a Strange Brew"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Since I live on the West Coast of the US, I had never heard of Moxie Cola before despite online ordering of weird sodas from the past like Bubble Up and Double Cola. But my interest was sparked by the movie "Small Apartments" in which a weird character drinks Moxie in bulk. I called around town and found that BevMo carries it and so like so many others HAD to try it. It is absolutely the most unique soda on earth, not fitting in any of the three main categories of sodas: colas, root beers, and fruity types. Moxie was invented in 1876 by Dr. Thompson who used gentian root extract in it courtesy of Lt. Moxie. The root is VERY bitter and the drink was originally an elixir for health benefit w/o carbonation. It was called Moxie Nerve Food and was used to treat paralysis, nervousness, and stomach problems!!! It went into production in 1884 and even rivaled Coca-Cola in the early days. Production waned in the 1920s, but then a weird series of events promoted it. It was the favorite soda of President Calvin Coolidge; it was promoted as the official soda of Mad Magazine in the 1960s, and Moxie promoted the drink with a dozen Moxie Horsemobiles- strange cars that had the driver operating the vehicle from a mounted mechanical horse! What makes Moxie unique is the reaction it gets when sampled. It is best served ice cold in its bottle. The smell is deceiving and initial taste pleasant... then the nasty aftertaste hits the tongue and back of the throat which can cause recoiling. Most describe the aftertaste as drinking battery acid or licking a railroad tie! And it's true! However, the drink has a very strong and loyal fan base, especially on the East Coast. Moxie soda led to the word which is defined as having courage, daring, and spirit. Indeed, it takes courage to drink Moxie!!! I liked it so much I bought out BevMo's stock at 2 locations!!! Coke sells over 7 billion cases of its product per year vs only 10 million for Moxie, but the loyalty is still strong as ever (Coke eventually bought Moxie which had several owners over 129 years).
Moxie is a strange brew
blows the mind

1880s “Moxie Nerve Food”
New elixir
With taste so bitter

Still, a demand for it
Acquired taste still confounds
Aftertaste like batteries
Hundred years later is still around!*

[East Coast is where it is largely found]

Moxie is a strange brew
It blows the mind
Sells fine

Pres loved you**
Mad Mag too***
Defines cool****
A very distinct taste
Beyond compare
Once Coke rivalry
Has strong fan base

[Pro/Con debate]

Oddity
Moxie is a strange brew
It blows the mind
(not true cola, root beer, nor fruity!!!)
*Actually invented in 1876, production by 1884. ** President Calvin Coolidge *** Mad Magazine had adverts since 1962 **** "Moxie" in the English language became known as standing for courage, daring, and spirit

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Wendy Christopher - April 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Think I'll pass on actually TRYING Moxie, thanks very much - I can't even handle Vimto ('mixed fruit' my... posterior!) A very entertaining parody which shows that, even when you can't please all of the people all of the time... they'll still drink it anyway. 555 :^)
Rob Arndt - April 12, 2013 - Report this comment
BevMo is great b/c they have a range of domestic and foreign sodas to choose from. The Japanese sodas are the weird ones with the plunger cap to drop the porcelain ball inside. I call those sodas no matter what flavor- void soda. It's like they put no effort into developing anything that has a solid taste. The German sodas are strong and heavy like their beers. There's a weird soda called Leninade in a red bottle with a sickle & hammer and who doesn't love Rat Bastard root beer? Moxie's off-shoot is Ted's root beer, which isn't bad either. Jolt cola is still around and I buy Bubble Up every now and then. I would challenge you Wendy to try Moxie if you can get it in the UK. There is absolutely nothing like it around. It is definately an acquired taste and the aftertaste is really hard to describe accurately. I thought that this must be what it is like to swallow poison after my first gulp!!! But it grows on you and now I drink Moxie everyday :)
John Lomain - April 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Great parody, I've heard of this and seen it on tv but haven't tried it yet
Patrick - April 15, 2013 - Report this comment
I once saw a collection of Moxie advetising memorabilia at an antique show, but no one in Kansas City seems to sell it, that I know of. Once found a six-pack of Vernor's Ginger Ale from Detroit at a Kansas City store. Still have one can put away after 20 years. I've seen the Japanese soda with the glass ball. Very expensive here and not much in it. Soda is called "pop" in this part of the country. The dividing line seems to be around Columbia, Missouri, half way between KC and St Louis. Bubble Up, Seven Up and Sierra Mist are not different enough to me to worry about chosing. I'm not supposed to be drinking carbonated sodas anyway. Thought about ordering Moxie online. Also Crown Pilot crackers and the Nestle Aero Bar. Too warm now for the Aero, but there is a World Market in Westport, Kansas City, Mo and a Brits in Lawrence, Kansas that have them. Wish someone in this area had the Terra Blues blue potato chips. A couple stores carry the other varieties, but not the blue ones. A friend gave me a Lehman Brothers catalog the other day. They have "Fizzies". Remember those?

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