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Song Parodies -> "Bismarck's First and Last Cruise"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Bismarck's First and Last Cruise"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

No need for introductions here as the KMS Bismarck is one of the best known battleships of history. She broke out into the Atlantic with Prinz Eugen under Lindemann from Gotenhafen May 18th and moved through the Denmark Straight and then out into the N Atlantic. Spotted by the RN, she engaged HMS Hood and HMS Prince of Wales, the Hood going up into a massive fireball when her magazine was pierced, leaving 3 men alive out of 1419 on May 24th. Bismarck escaped the RN, but fearing pursuit broke radio silence that the RN picked up. Frantic to avenge the loss of Hood, HMS Victorious and Ark Royal carriers launched waves of Swordfish biplanes (aka Stringbags) and got a lucky shot to the stern rudder which jammed. Bismarck was then confronted by the battleships HMS Prince George V and HMS Rodney. Damage to the main structure crippled Bismarck, but it took over 700 hits to do so and the 24 torpedoes launched failed to penetrate her double armored belt (as Ballard's latter robot videos proved). Orders were given to scuttle her and she broke in two pieces with 119 of over 2000 rescued (including Oscar the cat that later plagued 3 British warships as a jinx until moved to land)! Tirpitz later became a latent threat that tied up considerable resources: attacked by Albacores (failed), attacked by Chariot midgets (failed), damaged by X-craft (moderate damage, repaired), fired on by sub K21 (Missed), attacked by more aircraft (fended off) and then by '44 was hit by 12,000 lb Tallboy bombs from Lancasters that capsized her. In this instance, Corsairs flew top cover for the RN. Had Hitler waited and built the giant H44 battleships, the RN and USN would have had a hard time with them and their giant flying boat escorts (Do-214s) armed with missiles!
Bismarck’s first and last cruise
end of line

Break-out with Eugen was bad news
Prowlin’ and huntin’
Caused Hood’s destruction

RN couldn’t stand it
They searched all around
A com was undoing
“Stringbags” from Victorious shut her down

[Her rudder jammed, ran circles round]

Bismarck’s first and last cruise
Was end of line
Had her time

Naval feud
George V moved
Rodney too
Upper structure ablaze
Fire everywhere
No surrendering
Scuttled in place

[No sinking as claimed]

Sister free
Bismarck’s first and last cruise
Was end of line
(Tirpitz tied down RN resources with ease)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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User Comments

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Patrick - August 05, 2013 - Report this comment
Several years ago at a military collectors show I met Bruno Roncza, one of the few Bismarck survivors. Most people know the ship from the Johnny Horton song, which does not appear in the movie.
Rob Arndt - August 05, 2013 - Report this comment
Note: Bismarck took between 400-700 hits out of over 2800 fried against her and 7-10 direct torepedo hits out of nearly 30 launched- yet none pierced her armored double belt as Ballard's footage proves. She was scuttled. The heroics of the turret crews as the ship was bombarded and on fire speaks volumes of naval valor. If only she had not broken radio silence... nor experienced the lone Swordfish's "lucky" hit on the rudder.
Lifeliver - August 12, 2013 - Report this comment
I'm not even going to grade this essay because IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY PARAGRAPHS. I'll just have to hand it back to you to do over.

Your stubborn resistance to this simple formatting device, a courtesy 'rule one' for all who aspire to be professional writers, is intriguing. It seems you won't do it because people have asked you to, like a naughty boy who won't co-operate out of sheer spite. It really says a lot about your attitude.

You once remarked that paras don't belong in comment boxes, and this is not a forum. Well, it is very much a forum, whether you want to call it that or not, and any substantial piece of writing, whether in a comment or an introduction, requires formatting to indicate how one's ideas are organized. When you speak, do you draw breath between sentences, or pause for effect, or take a moment to gather your thoughts, think before speaking? Paras are the literary equivalent of that. If you don't do it, it shows a complete lack of regard for the sensibilities of your readers and and negates any claim you may have to professionalism.

All the same, I read it. Your main thrust seems to be that the Bismarck was not destroyed by allied firepower but scuttled by its own crew. I'm not sure why you think this fact is important, or why others might find it so, but I think this is definitely a potentially fruitful line of exploration you should take up with your analyst.

Actually, I don't even really know why I'm commenting. Some of your parodies are mildly interesting and impressively researched, and this was one, original and substantial although the bulk of this warmed-over WW2 tale story has been told many times, and you brought something new to it. But your propensity for vote-rigging, one and five-bombing (they're the same thing), and lately the removal of any comments that draw attention to it just puts decals on everything you write.
Callmelennie - August 13, 2013 - Report this comment
This is a little know fact, Patrick, but Screaming Jay Hawkins actually sent this very song in to be used as the theme song for the movie ... but it was rejected as being a little too pro-Bismark

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