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Song Parodies -> "Chauchat Made Doughboys Puke"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Chauchat Made Doughboys Puke"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The CSRG Commissioned Machinegun or Chauchat M1915 was a poorly designed and badly manufactured POS that was practically worthless on the battlefield in WW1. The French, Belgians, and Greeks had used it and all hated it due to the 8x50R Lebel round, odd semi-circular mag, low 250 rpm ROF, and long recoil action that hurt the gunner’s arm and attracted dust and grit. It jammed almost all the time and was totally unreliable. The Germans tried it and forbid their soldiers from using it, one German Commander ordering his men to resort to their entrenching tool or a pistol to fight scores of men rather than use the Chauchat!!! So when the Yanks joined the war in 1917, the French unloaded 16,000 of the worthless MGs onto them and they quickly sought to improve the design with a new straight mag, new .30-06 round, and some light touches here and there. This was the M18 version of which 19,000 were manufactured… and guess what? They were little better, the MGs coming apart sooner with the more powerful round!!! They were left in Europe and so France gave them to the Spaniards to use against their enemies in the Spanish Civil War. The Spanish hated them too and discarded them for other surplus WW1 or older MGs.
Chauchat made Doughboys puke
MG crime

Commissioned design the French used
Recoil slammin’
Often was jammin’

French, Belgians, Greeks had it
Mag held 20 rounds
Was constructed badly
Mere dust and grit often shut it down

[German targets were not often found]

Chauchat made Doughboys puke
Was MG crime
They whined

Yanks did fume
MG crude
New round used
M18, .30-06
Straight mag, repaired
RPM still 250
It shook, broke… no spares

[Left it over there]

To Spain- Free
Chauchat made Doughboys puke
Was MG crime
(Spanish Civil War soldiers not pleased!!!)
Note: In Greek service this was known as the 7.8mm Gladiator...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Callmelennie - March 21, 2014 - Report this comment
It even looked like a piece of sh*t -- as if the French Ministry Of War had commissioned a group of 3-year-olds to design a machine gun
Rob Arndt - March 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey CML, good to see you comment on one of my parodies! You KNOW that this MG was a POS when the Americans tried to improve it and it couldn't be!!! The .30-06 round actually made the MG more unstable and shook the parts off of it! The only thing the Germans noticed on this weapon that would be used by them in WW2 was the progressive stamping method employed although the French materials and assembly methods were crude. One should note that although the US Army suffered badly with the Chauchat in WW1, the Marines ditched theirs and adopted the Lewis Gun. But the Chauchat survived to fight in Spain with the Republicans. Desperate for arms, they bought huge stocks which included the Chauchat. The French gave theirs away while the Poles and Russian stocks were sold to the Spanish for as low as $8 per rifle! And amazingly, some remaining Chauchats saw action in WW2 in the French eastern colonies, so Vietnam got some!!! And even more amazing is that a few were encountered in the Balkans in the late 1990s!!! I've always hated French arms... but at least now they have an excellent battle rifle, the FAMAS and sniper rifles FR-F1 and 2. Their AAT-52 MG originated in the 1950s and is ridiculous too; hence, the saying, "The AAT-52 works, but just!" The NATO 7.62x51mm version is the AA 7.62 NF-1.
Patrick - March 21, 2014 - Report this comment
The only machine gun to deactivate itself. I've seen ads in 1960's gun magazines offering them for $19 each. Today, a single open-sided magazine will bring over $100 I think there is a youtube video of a Chauchat actually firing a whole magazine. I can shoot my revolver faster, even stopping to reload. The technique of the Chauchat was to fire it from the hip and allow the sling to control the recoil and bring the weapon forward, Some French gunners mastered the technique, but most other users tried to fire it like a conventional rifle or MG. I think I have seen a couple of deactivated examples. The US version must have been a real nightmare. A couple nights ago the KCK police were showing off some new weapons, including an H&K .40 caliber SMG. I want one of those. Damn the Hughes Amendment! Full repeal ahead!
Rob Arndt - March 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Patrick, do you mean the HK MP-5/40 that fires .40 S&W, or the .45 ACP HK UMP-45 or the HK MP-7 PDW in 4.6x30mm??? Probably the first or second I'd guess if for police. German SEKs and MEKs use all three!!! Westphalia Polizei got the Rheinmetall WM Plasma Taser in 2003... but I doubt they ever used it on anyone. HK G-28 sniper is fairly new too, although I favor the excellent .338LM Erma SR-100 or DSR-1 (even a Blaser). US Forces/HRUs use the 7.62mm HK MSG-90 auto which is the military version of the HK PSG-1.
Patrick - March 22, 2014 - Report this comment
Don't know the exact nomenclature. It had a squared receiver and a folding stock. The cop said it was called a "jackhammer" because of its recoil. I once owned a French 1874 model revolver. Wish I'd never sold it. Got a Webley, much easier to find ammo. I like big revolvers with lots of smoke. The 1892 revolver had more recoil than I expected from what amounts to an oversized .32. My little Unique 9 Coups was a great gun, should never have sold it. Magazines were cheap and abundant. They would also fit most of the WWI Ruby automatics. The M1935 A and S models were very nicely made, but I could never manage to construct workable ammo for them.
Rob Arndt - March 22, 2014 - Report this comment
Then it was the HK UMP 40 (UMP 45 IN .40 S&W):
http://clydearmory.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/c/l/clyde_armory_hk_ump_40.jpg
Caleb - March 23, 2014 - Report this comment
just looked this up in my Encyclopaedia Brittanica and you are just making this irrelevant crap up. it doesn't match anywhere. and BTW, the '42 HUMP S&M was made in my hometown of Stuttgard, not Frankfort, as you imply.
Rob Arndt - March 23, 2014 - Report this comment
Don't you just love ignorant sockpuppet trolls on the weekends? This guy deserves to have to fight with a Chauchat against a HK UMP 45! Next...
Big Dan - March 26, 2014 - Report this comment
A vented mag in the trenches must have been murder to clean and operate as the action kicked up dirt and dust. Then you have the grime factor too. Who thought this thing up? Really, did the four gentleman resign???

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