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Song Parodies -> "Sixties Laser Gun Shoots"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Sixties Laser Gun Shoots"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In late 1944, Siemens and I.G. Farben had developed medical lasers long before the US and such research led to SS attempts to develop a weapon from it. These never went past the drawing board stage and the SS tried to destroy all of its secrets, but the US captured many of them. Apparently the German laser weapon idea became a US laser rifle idea in the 1960s, by which time Federal Germany was allowed to build weapons and co-operated with the US Army on a range of ideas from attack helos to small arms. One of these weapons was the XLM-2, the second version of the XLM-1 laser rifle which was built in the US in 1963 by perhaps GE or another special military projects builder, but not a conventional small arms manufacturer AFAIK. The Germans were consulted on the basic design and the battery pack to operate this weapon which was more of an early dazzler than true laser rifle. It could fire 10,000 times, but the strength of the laser beam was nothing more than a mild annoyance to pojected US Cold War enemies like the Soviets, Cubans, or WP nations. And with a low range of just 1.5 km and no burning power whatsoever, the project was dropped. I have one pic below from a German magazine similar to Popular Mechanics for the time period, but am not certain if it is the XLM-2 or another US prototype. The fact that it is featured in the German mag makes me lean towards the XLM-2...
Sixties laser gun shoots
10,000 times

US/German XML-2
Laser beam tryin’
Enemy soldier fryin’

Was an early Nazi concept
In 1945 found
I.G. Farben weapon
US wanted to make it sound

Sixties laser gun shoots
10,000 times
Battery-supplied

Of no use
Of no use
Of no use
Early blinding laser
Lack of power
Incapable of burning
Anti-sniper dazzler

Not ready
Sixties laser gun shoots
10,000 times
(abandoned by US/Germany)
http://cdn5.thefirearmsblog.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/lasergewehr-sut-1964.jpg

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
 0
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 4   1
 0
 1
 
 5   13
 14
 13
 

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Note: Am horribly sick this week and so have slowed to a crawl on my parodies. Yesterday was red vomit and intense pain- had to force myself to write something and this is it. Sorry for all the people that aren't into weapons for my info-parodies. But I didn't feel like writing on the same topics forever- OWS, Cain, Joe at Penn State, the REP debates, etc... my topics are far-ranging and I love the obscure. When drugged and sick I simply write what I know best and am known for online- aviation and weaponry plus all-things German. I still have plenty of time this month to reach 800 parodies which will avg. me out at 100/mo down from 112/mo peak a while ago. But I am not really suited to write in my condition which is dire...
Porfle Popnecker - November 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Nazis with ray guns--that's a scary thought! Hope you get to feeling better.
Rob Arndt - November 10, 2011 - Report this comment
TY Porfle. The Austrians and Nazis both had some interesting uncoventional guns and artillery. The Austrians had flak-gas guns by 1936 and a crude magnesium fired ray gun of low range. The Nazis had acoustic guns, rocket-bullet firing guns and developed the Austrian (Zippermayr) coal dust weapon into Pandora, a SS artillery piece used in the second assault on the Warsaw Ghetto. Hitler wanted a huge beam weapon to fire from von Braun's space station concept, but that would have been solar powered! Germany today is working on a plasma rifle for combat courtesy of Rheinmetall AG since 2003 when Rheinmetall WM introduced the plasma taser (wireless)! Austro-German pre-war magnesium ray gun: http://davidszondy.com/future/war/death_ray_german.jpg
Andria - November 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Not a bad parody... some lines had pacing errors in places, but could be worked around pretty well by singing the parody, and your work's educational value is fabulous as usual. Sorry to hear about you worsening... btw I googled your name and read some of your articles, they are great. 4-5-4.

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