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Song Parodies -> "Shuriken Tossed at You"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Shuriken Tossed at You"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Despite the Ninja craze of the 1980s, the historical Ninja shuriken (or stars) were only used as distraction weapons with an effective range of a mere 16 ft and even then with a direct hit caused superficial wounds. Being crude metal weapons with a simple hole in the middle and 4 blade points and often engraved (which caused aerodynamic instability)... they are very difficult to throw accuractely and against Samurai armor plating proved largely useless. Samurai armor was articulated and had throat protection too! The Ninja historically (even a female one- Kunoichi) had more success with powders and flash explosives or their main weapon the Ninja sword. But Hollywood and HK Cinema still perpetuate the myth that shuriken were successful offensive weapons when they were not. They were for defensive purposes at close range against unarmored targets and even volleys of them seldom caused death!!!
Shuriken tossed at you
loss each time

Metal weapons sure were crude
Send ‘em flyin’
Jugular tryin’

The Ninja stealth bandit
Tossed ‘em around
Were they REALLY deadly?
No… 16 ft range, hit the ground

[Fantasy in movies for clowns]

Shuriken tossed at you
loss each time
Thrown palm wide

Of no use
Of no use
Of no use
A distraction weapon
Samurai spared
Armored, light wounding
Not how it happened

[No, not in Japan]

Was clumsy
Shuriken tossed at you
loss each time
(Fun for martial arts movie freaks)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Patrick - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
The ninja movies got shuriken banned in backward places like Kansas and California. A brick would make a much better weapon. Same thing happened in the 1950's when movies, not reality, gave crooked politicians the excuse to ban switchblade knives.
Rob Arndt - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
Everyone made stars in metal shop regardless and in the '80s you could buy Shuriken at many martial arts outlets as well as other unsharpened ninja weapons! I studied Ninjutsu for a brief time but the cost was too high and it was bastardized anyway. My ninja suit pic remains, however, a conversation piece :)

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