~

[Jason:]

When we have a tiff—it’s quite the scene
Last one was a doozy—you play mean!

[Girlfriend:]

I dumped all our take-out in your center console—
Never gonna get that sucka’ clean!

[Jason:]

Cajun wings n’ kebabs-n-curry
Sushi, mouldrin’, ribs gettin' furry
Peking duck’s a gray-greenish slurry with a fringe on top!

Must git help—my rig’s smellin’ iffy
Coin-op car wash—cleans in a jiffy
Drivin’ in I popped me a stiffie—and it wouldn’t stop!

That self-serve vac sung her siren’s song
And only charged me a nickel
But while I was suckin’ up egg foo yong
‘er nozzle lunged fer ma’ pickle!

Monster hose kept hummin’ n’ thrummin’
Crazy strong, it latched to my plumbin’
Sixteen horse-power screamed “Yer be-commin’ the new King of
‘Pop’”
Once I’d weaned my thong McFlurry™ from its binge—there stood cop!

[Judge to witness:]

Would y’ say his pouch was made a’ silk?

[Witness:]

Hard to say—it looked like it Got Milk™!

[D.A.:]

Is it true the ‘vactim’ was a Wet/Dry model?

[Witness:]

‘Round these ‘parts’
We don’t care for their ilk…

[Jason:]

Penal system’s clamped on securely
Locked up, tightly, I’m in a worry
Prayin’ for a well, ‘hungish’ jury—I’m a cringin’ fop

Sucker ‘bate—street car wash maneuver
Sucker’s fate—meet J. Edgar Hoover
Lost my mojo, can’t find my groov’r and my thing’s a flop!

I’ve been dyslexic for my whole life long
So sign post’s meanin’ I’m losin’
Ya see, Judge Judy, where I went wrong…
It’s ‘hose’ and ‘ho’s’ I’m confusin’!

Case in recess—judge sent me back in
While she checks laws on ‘vacuum packin’’
‘Dirt Bag’ hosed me—dished out a whackin’—and I feel ‘ripped-off’
Coin-op ‘girlie’ premature’d me and left singe on my copse!

~